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Recently, my 5-year-old daughter finished applying to kindergarten. I never had to apply to kindergarten; instead, I just went to the local school in my neighborhood in Detroit that anyone could attend. In California, there are charter schools and many options for public schools.
I think it is probably a good idea that she will not attend the local public schools. There are some terrible kids in my neighborhood.
A few years ago, I was coming out of a nice dinner at a local Mexican restaurant. I was standing outside waiting for my wife while she was in the bathroom. Several kids—one who I vaguely recognized as a 17-year-old child of a neighbor—were sitting on a ledge outside of the restaurant discussing a porno they were making.
“We’ve already shot three scenes so far and another two and we’ll have the porno made,” one of them said.
They then started talking about how one of the girls they were making the porno with refused to a scene involving a sex act choreographed in a certain way.
I could scarcely believe it. These were high school kids making a porno movie on the weekend. Where I grew up, the entrepreneurial kids mowed lawns. Here, they were making pornos.
I did not have any children, but made a mental note that I was not sure I wanted my kids going to school with kids like this.
I ride a Segway Scooter back and forth to my office since I live so close. A few weeks ago, I was riding my Segway past three kids who looked about 15 and they started screaming names like “loser” and so forth at me. I turned my scooter around and went back to confront them. A couple of the kids were my neighbors — I see them riding their skateboards and so forth by my house all the time.
“What the fuck is your problem?” I asked them.
“You’re a really bad person swearing at little kids!” a girl with the kids told me. “You’re a real pervert.”
I shook my head and “scooted” away. When I was about 100 feet away, one of the kids screamed at the top of his lungs: “DICK!”
I turned around and went back up to him.
“You deserved it for swearing at a young kid!” the girl said. She had an earring on her tongue.
I am not sure exactly what I said to them but I said something to the effect that I bet they were doing poorly in school, did not play sports and were angry at the world and that they should take pride in themselves instead of trying to attack others.
“What do you think is going to become of your lives?” I asked them. “Are you guys on a good path or a bad path?”
One the kids said “Fine … please just leave us alone.” They were really animated and confident before I said that. When I started talking to them about their lives, their self-images, and their potential, everything changed. I realized that these kids did not have a strong sense of who they were–or who they might become. Without a strong sense of self, they were unlikely to do well in their lives.
Certain types of kids are admitted to the best schools, just as certain types of parents are likely to send their children to the best private and charter schools, just as certain types of kids are going to be motivated to attend the schools. The result of all this is that kids end up among a group of peers that set high standards for themselves.
The kids I saw were from the local public school. They were the sort of kids I grew up with. In fact, I used to be a kid just like them (to at least some extent). I knew the odds of these kids doing much with their lives were limited. I know people who have gone to prison, become heroin addicts, and more. This is the sort of future that awaits people who have negative self-images and grow up in dangerous environments without developing the right psychology for themselves.
A year ago I was sitting in the waiting room of one of these you-have-to-apply elementary schools with my wife–a third visit to the same school–and asked how competitive it was to get in. I honestly thought just about every single one of the kids who applied got into these elementary schools.
“After siblings and legacy children who are admitted, we have about 275 applications for 15 to 20 spots each year,” the administrator told me.
I could scarcely believe it. That’s more competitive than getting into a college like Yale. How on earth can someone determine how accomplished a 5-year-old is?
I asked about admissions statistics at all the schools and got similar answers.
For the past two years, we have been going to one meeting after another in these elementary schools. The process starts when the child is about two. We visited the school our daughter is going to at least seven times. There were coffees, question-and-answer sessions, tours, and more. Then, after the applications were filled out, there were parent essays, multiple recommendations for the children, and so forth.
There were also interviews.
Some schools wanted a list of all the charities we gave money to.
One school even held small mandatory “focus groups” with 10 or so prospective parents and the principal and school administrators to talk about parenting challenges. That really pissed me off having to spend an entire morning there.
At the focus group, several of the parents cried and were obviously putting on a show for the administrators.
All the letters announcing what school our daughter got into went out on the same day and came on a Saturday. At around 1:00 pm, our phones started ringing with calls from other parents inquiring what schools we got into and so forth.
All the news we received that day was not good–and we wondered why. Despite not getting flat-out rejected anywhere, we were told by at least one school we would not be admitted for kindergarten but likely later on. Despite feeling this entire process was ridiculous, I took it as a personal rejection.
• Why do people care so much about where their children go to school?
• Why do people care so much about where they go to school?
• Why do people care so much about the neighborhoods they live in?
• Why do some people care so much about the clubs and groups they belong to?
I honestly do not think there is much difference between a public school or private school in terms of what the child is likely to learn. The same thing goes for colleges, law schools, and so forth. The textbooks are going to be the same mostly, and the teachers are going to be following the same lesson plans.
The difference—and what I think people are most concerned about–is the environment and how this environment shapes us and our beliefs about ourselves. You are likely to associate with different kids with different values and beliefs depending on the schools you attend. This is, of course, not always the case, but it’s more often the case than not.
The beliefs we have about ourselves often come from our environment. If we see success all around us, then we too believe we should be successful. If the surrounding people are all failing and not achieving stuff at a high level, then we, too, do not feel successful.
I had the fortune of attending a competitive high school and college. When I hear from people, I went to school with, I am constantly hearing one success story after another about how one person has done this or that at such a high level—as well as a dose of stories of about failures.
To some extent, I do not enjoy hearing from people I went to school with because it makes me feel inadequate about my own achievements and makes me feel like I should accomplish more in my life. For example, Mitt Romney went to my high school. Hearing about all his success on the national stage has made me think to myself that I am a failure in contrast–and it makes me want to try harder. It also makes me think to myself: if this person did such-and-such, I could be more and I should do more.
I never would have this sort of pressure in the back of my mind if I were not hearing all these success stories from people I went to school with. I feel all of this because of the environment I was in. The environment we grow up in and are a part of determines, in large part, the person we become. We want to rise to the level of our peers and be successful as well.
This is the reason that parents are so aggressive about sending their kids to good schools. They want their children to achieve something at a high level and be around other high achievers and children with similar aspirations.
Not everyone grows up and develops in the best environments. In fact, most people do not. Because most people do not develop in these sorts of environments, much of what they accomplish needs to come from within. We need to condition ourselves to have positive beliefs about ourselves. You need to create powerful beliefs about yourself and what you believe you can become. Most often, the difference between those who succeed and those who do not is what they choose to believe about themselves and what they can achieve.
Much of what people achieve in their lives is determined by their beliefs about reality. For example, if we believe people are evil, cannot be trusted, and will hurt us, we are going to see evidence to support this belief all around us. In contrast, if we believe all people are good and that the world is a happy place, we are going to see this all around us as well. The people we grow up around and associate with can impact how we see the world, but we can affect our beliefs about our success as well.
If you believe you will be successful, you are likely to take more risks. You are likely to have confidence that you will rise no matter what happens. You are likely to be more optimistic. If you exalt yourself, you will also respect yourself more. Others will respect you more. If you believe you are a certain way, the odds are you will eventually be this sort of person.
I believe that one of the most important things is adopting beliefs that help us to grow.
You need to associate with and spend time with people who are going to encourage powerful beliefs about yourself. The people you associate with make all the difference. You should seek out people who have high standards for themselves and spend as much time as possible with them, instead of the opposite. These people will shape your beliefs about yourself.
The places where you work and spend your time are just as important as the schools you attend. You should try to work in places that are encouraging and bring out the best in you. You should try and work in places that challenge you and are filled with successful people. These people will challenge you and shape your beliefs about yourself. Once you are in the best place possible, seek to work with the most successful people there.
With limited exceptions, it does not matter what you do for a living. You should, however, seek to do something you are exceptionally good at and do this at the highest level you possibly can. You want to condition yourself to believe you are accomplished and good at something. The better you feel about yourself and your abilities, generally, the better you will continue to do.
Your beliefs about your success and what you are capable of will, in large part, determine who you become and are capable of becoming. Seek out environments, conditions, and people that create positive beliefs in yourself. That’s a key to success.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
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Do not be distracted by your insecurities and doubts, or you will never achieve success because you will not allow it to happen. Focus only on the message about your skills and capabilities. Identify your goals and create a gameplan, and fill your mind with positive and hopeful messages that will drive you towards said goal.
In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
In this article Harrison discusses how people who stand for something always do better than those who do not. Companies who stand for something always do better than companies who do not. The most successful companies not only stand for something, but they are completely consistent with their core principles. This is what keeps them going and this is what makes them successful. One of the largest problems that people have in their careers is when they diverge from what they are good at. When you do not stand for something, you divert from your true strength. Everything begins to crumble and slowly fall apart when you are not doing something that you are really good at. The biggest success comes when you stand for something and are good at it.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
When myriad candidates are applying to limited positions, practicing unusual tactics in your job hunt will prove far more helpful than following the established routine and waiting for positions to come to you. Much like in military strategy, well-planned and unconventional moves can help you conquer your goals without suffering significant losses. You can land an excellent position by focusing on companies’ needs, rather than depending on job and recruiting advertisements.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
You need to provide people what they want, otherwise you will not have a job. Although they might not always be the most desirable kinds of jobs, certain jobs always exist because they provide services that people will always require. The only secret to continual employment is to provide a service that people always need; if you do this, and nothing else, you will always find yourself employed. Give people what they want.
Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
The ability to fit into your work environment is among the most important parts of obtaining and retaining a job, even more so than your skill level. Fitting in means nothing more than being comfortable in one’s work environment, and making others similarly comfortable. Employers want to hire people who will embrace their approach to business and the world on physical and moral levels, so you must strive to fit in with their worldview.
Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
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Sir Barnes,
Your article teaches me a lesson I have thought about for the last few years until now. When I wrote about employment, health, wealth, bad conditions of living, war, and many other things, I said that in all situations everyone must try to overcome these things. They must grow up by being faithful, having courage, and must also work hard for success. Life never offers a free gift to anyone. Everyone must struggle against problems that are in front of us. The main aim is to be the winner and not fail.
I currently have problems with work and finances, but I don’t accept being a victim of these problems, because everyday I try to overcome it. I do this by searching, working part time, and praying to God to guard my health, as I had a few serious problems of health in the last few years. Then I give thanks to my Lord! I explain a little about my situation because according to me you’re a great friend and cheerleader for me. I allow myself to talk to you about my life as you do in your articles you send me. And somewhere I retain this proverb that says: “Never mind always best”. Sure! Alright! I want to build my life and need to succeed and not fail.
Have a good day! Thanks to all!
Friendly yours,
Michael Tine
You have made the point about how resources shape our environment. From this column I learned that income level is the most important quality in any job because it determines the quality of resources you will have.
Kindergarten applications, mexican locals, porno movie production, a grown man asking kids “what the f*#$” their problem is, going to same HS as Mitt Romney, private v. public schools…. wow. No opinions about how the Tripartite Commission is governing lives, or how people manage to succeed while blathering on like an off-meds ADD victim. For cripes sakes, keep FOCUSED.
I seem to recognize the photo of the young lady who writes the “Daily Job Search Advice” column for Law Firm Staff. Did she used to work for the attorney Robin Cravey in Austin? I had interviewed with him a long time ago but was not offered a job. Just curious….