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I am ashamed to admit it, but I do not even own a house key. I’ve lived in the same house for years and never owned one.
I leave the doors of my house open.
I leave my car doors unlocked and the keys in my car when I am at home.
My wife bought me a $25,000 watch years ago, and I tend to leave that around the house, too.
I allow people to use my credit cards and cash cards to go pick things up at the store for me and often forget to get my credit cards back for weeks.
In the past, I’ve trusted people I should not have with sensitive financial information.
I like to pay for dinner when I go out with people and do not expect anything in return.
If you are reading this and are thinking that I’ve probably been screwed over a lot, people have taken advantage of me a lot and so forth, you would be quite right. I have been taken advantage of and stolen from quite often. I’ve had sensitive financial information shared with the wrong people – who then tried to take advantage of me. I’ve been burned by many, many people.
But I have always grown and always continue to do better and better as time has gone on – socially, financially and spiritually. How can someone grow and do so well when they are getting burned and taken advantage of all the time?
It’s very simple: I know who the bad people are and who I can trust.
There is a real joy in living a life where I trust and see the best in others and not the other way around. I am not stressed about people doing bad things to me because I see the best in others. I have to live my life that way, and I want nothing more than to see the best in others. Doing so benefits me and others. I am in the employment business, and my days are spent thinking about what people are capable of. I do not want to judge people and think the world and the people in it are evil and out to get me. I want to see the absolute best I can in the world and the people in it. I need to.
Are there bad people out there? You bet there are. There are tons of them, and I feel sorry for them all. Do I associate with bad people? Not once I realize they are bad. Once I realize people are bad, I stay completely away from them and avoid them for good. You should too. You have nothing to gain from bad people. Anyone who violates your trust or property is someone you should avoid. They do this out of a sense of their own “lack” and have nothing to give you.
People who steal and take advantage of you do so because they cannot possibly give you as much as you can give them. These people are the people who look at the world as a bad place that is a dog-eat-dog place where they need to harm others to survive. The people who believe they need to harm others to survive are incredibly dangerous.
Once I realize that someone is a bad person, I can easily be done with them and move on. It is that simple. It is because I am vulnerable that I am protected. In almost all instances, bad people quickly make their stripes known if you let down your guard. It is like this socially, in business and everywhere you turn.
Bad people show up everywhere. When you allow yourself to be vulnerable, you see who they are. I have to admit, though, that I am often surprised by how evil people exert their will.
Several months ago, I hired an architect to make some calls for me. He estimated the work would cost “a few thousand dollars” and sent me a contract for his hourly services and a request for a “retainer” to cover his work of $3,000. When I was in his office, I noticed it was only he and his secretary. The office looked like it was built to hold far more people than this; however, the man was only there with his secretary and the extra desks seemed to have been abandoned some time ago. I knew of several other architectural firms around the town where I worked, and they always seemed to be filled with people.
Often times, a good way to recognize the sort of people who will try to harm you is an absence of people, and success, around them. This is so because people avoid those who are bad. Businesses run by people that are bad drive away both employees and clients. People who are bad drive away others as well. People and businesses that are alone are often that way because people avoid them.
A few days after meeting him, I was in the dentist office, and he was in the room next to me having some work done. I heard the architect talking with the dentist and asking about the price of a pain medication at the local pharmacy. The doctor told him he could save $20 on the medication if he drove 30 minutes away (one hour round trip). The architect said that the “…last thing he was going to do was get screwed out of $20…” and (despite having his mouth sewed up) told the dentist he was going to the pharmacy 30 minutes away instead of the one around the corner from the dentist.
I made a note to myself that anyone who was going to drive one hour to save $20 out of fear of getting “screwed” was probably going to end up screwing me in my architectural dealings with him. If he was billing me for his time at $250 an hour, he could not possibly have that much work. Why else would he be so concerned about saving $20?
A month later, the architect sent me a bill for $16,000. I have no idea what he did; however, he vastly worked beyond the retainer we originally agreed upon, and I am confident he did not work as many hours as he said he was going to work. I learned later that he had done this sort of thing with numerous people and had been involved in several lawsuits. He completely abused my trust. I’m going to fight him in court about this, and why not?
While this may not sound like a good story, in fact it is. Imagine if I had ended up hiring this guy to design a house for me? I would have been ripped off and taken advantage of in countless different ways. I would have overpaid, gotten poor quality and had all sorts of problems and issues. Because he was so eager to rip me off, he never got the other work I could have given him. Because he never got the other work, his company is not growing.
When you are vulnerable with others, you will learn who is good and who is bad. There are countless people out there who will harm you first chance they get, or will do so over an extended period of time. The most dangerous are not always the people who harm you right away. Instead, the most dangerous are the people who will appear to be your friend but will harm you slowly.
When someone screws you over immediately, you are ready for it and can avoid them in the future. However, if someone acts like your friend, often does the right thing and then harms and takes from you in some situations, it can be incredibly dangerous. If someone is inconsistent with you, then this is where the real harm can occur.
Many people believe that their own survival depends on keeping others down. Therefore, they may appear very kind to others on the surface and even go out of their way to do various symbolic things to look like nice people. However, if someone is under the belief that their own survival depends on keeping others down, they can do all sorts of harm to you that you might not ever see coming.
For the longest time, I have been fascinated by watching the dynamics within various offices and departments of the companies I run. In most offices and departments, a leader will naturally emerge and be the conduit for communications and a “representative” of sorts for what is going on with the group. They will forward news up the chain of command and act as a “listening post” of sorts for others -offering an ear, or encouragement, or something else.
What ends up happening with these groups is generally one of three things: the group stays the same, the group grows and does very well, or the group experiences all sorts of problems.
When the group is doing well, this generally means that this leader is encouraging people in the group. The people in the group feel good about their jobs and what they are doing. They are motivated. The leader is “subtly” or directly encouraging people to grow and encourage others. The leader is allowing people to see the good in the situations and genuinely wants to help others.
In contrast, there is always one group that is failing. People in the group are leaving. People may be having all sorts of relationship problems outside of work. Other people in the group may be having health problems. There often is no end to the problems that people in the group may experience. In many cases, you will find that the people in this group were all very successful before they became part of the group. In these situations, it is clear that the group is often the problem.
I’ve watched the negative dynamic develop numerous times throughout my career, and I’ve seen it in many other groups as well. What usually happens is this:
The “representative” of the group usually comes to their supervisor and tells the supervisor all sorts of things that people in the group are upset about. The representative then positions themselves as the “friend” of the supervisor who has the best interest of the supervisor at heart. The representative then shares that “they do not know why,” but people come to them with their complaints and issues all the time.
Over time, the “representative” typically uses this position to try and get raises, special privileges, and so forth. If left unchecked, this process will continue indefinitely until the company in destroyed. The reason is due to nothing more than the simple fact that the “representative” is encouraging people to feel negatively and rewarding them with time, advice and so forth when they share negative information, and shunning them when they are doing poorly.
In the end, the people around the “representative” then remain focused on the negative aspects of their jobs and lives. Because they are so down, they may quit, get sick, not work as hard, and generally be unmotivated and fail. Meanwhile, the “representative” is empowered and ends up looking like the only one the supervisor can count on. The “representative” asks for more privileges, more money and so forth and tells the supervisor how lucky they are to have them.
The representative has succeeded by disempowering others; however, ultimately, they have weakened the group and end up taking far more than they give.
When I was fourteen years old, my father got remarried. The woman he married had two who had dropped out of high school and joined the service and another who had dropped out of school when she was fourteen years old.
When I first moved in with my stepmother and father, I was a poor student. When I was a poor student and got bad grades and experienced a lack of success, my stepmother was very nice to me. She would spend time with me, tell me how the world was unfair, and take me out to eat. She was, in short, a good friend of mine. She was a very unhappy person. Her life had been a series of failures that I am not eager to talk about even now.
At some point, though, I realized that a life of not succeeding and doing well was not for me. So, instead of going along with all of this, I turned it on full blast and gave school and life everything I had. Within one year, I went from being the worst student in my school to the best. I went from hanging out with stoners to being a varsity athlete in a few sports. I went from being a down kid to being the president of the student council.
As soon as I started doing well, my stepmother turned downright vicious. She ignored me and would not acknowledge me. She would try and get me in trouble for petty things (a glass not rinsed off in the sink) and was no longer my friend. I could not possibly get inside her mind, but I believe that my doing well did not make her feel good as a parent when she had two children that had never done well. My doing poorly was something that served to validate her and advance her own self-interest.
Had I continued doing poorly, I have no doubt she would have continued to be my friend.
One of the most important things to realize in your life is that you can never hurt yourself by being “directly” vulnerable. In most cases, you are going to learn very quickly who your enemies are, and you can protect yourself from them.
The biggest danger is the wolf in sheep’s clothing. You are indirectly vulnerable and subject to manipulation and hurt all the time by people who may actually appear to be your friend – even though they are encouraging negativity and self-destructive behavior.
You should be careful of people who encourage you to share negative information and be negative. They usually have a vested interest in making you negative (because it can make them more successful). The reason the wolf in sheep’s clothing is so dangerous is because of the fact that they can depress your drive, enthusiasm, and happiness and encourage something altogether different – and you might not even know what hit you. In contrast, the wolf at least looks like a wolf.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
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In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
When myriad candidates are applying to limited positions, practicing unusual tactics in your job hunt will prove far more helpful than following the established routine and waiting for positions to come to you. Much like in military strategy, well-planned and unconventional moves can help you conquer your goals without suffering significant losses. You can land an excellent position by focusing on companies’ needs, rather than depending on job and recruiting advertisements.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
You need to provide people what they want, otherwise you will not have a job. Although they might not always be the most desirable kinds of jobs, certain jobs always exist because they provide services that people will always require. The only secret to continual employment is to provide a service that people always need; if you do this, and nothing else, you will always find yourself employed. Give people what they want.
Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
The ability to fit into your work environment is among the most important parts of obtaining and retaining a job, even more so than your skill level. Fitting in means nothing more than being comfortable in one’s work environment, and making others similarly comfortable. Employers want to hire people who will embrace their approach to business and the world on physical and moral levels, so you must strive to fit in with their worldview.
Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
Determine whether you are a global or specific person. Most people are either too general or too specific in the way they treat information, and overly detail-oriented people risk losing sight of the bigger picture. General people are more comfortable in managerial positions, while detail-oriented people prefer everything to conform to a logical sequence. Understand which sort of person you are, and seek work that best harnesses your natural inclination.
In this article Harrison talks about releasing the lack that you feel, in order to reach your full potential. If a sense of lack dominates your thinking, it will affect your interaction with the world and how the world sees you. There are many areas of your life where you are coming from a position of lack. Your ability to release this lack and go forward with your life can create a tremendous sense of peace and more natural accomplishments in your world. The amount of lack that people see out there is profound and it has a massive impact on their lives. According to Harrison, the most successful people in the world see the world as a place of opportunity and not lack.
When faced with difficult times, you must develop the ability to transcend the trouble around you instead of giving up or assuming that nothing can be done about your situation. Keep your wits about you and take charge of the situation, and you will find yourself on track for constant improvement and career success.
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