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When you see a fight occurring between any two people (or groups of people), it is always the case that one side believes it is right about something and that the other side is therefore wrong. It could be a disagreement over a political or territorial issue, a religious belief, or something else. Countries take sides about one issue or another and entire wars commence and continue for generations–based on one country’s belief that it is right and the other is wrong.
When you pick up any newspaper, you will see endless stories of conflict. I see so many stories about
and so forth that I do not even read these articles anymore. The entire first section of almost every newspaper out there is usually about one conflict or another: Conflict between people, conflict between governments, conflict within governments, and so forth. There is so much conflict going on that I simply cannot keep track of it and it has become boring for me to read. It is basically the same tired story over and over again.
There is so much conflict in the modern world, and so many countries are dedicated to taking sides, that one country has forged a real reputation for itself. Out of the hundreds of countries in the world, we are all aware of a single country that refuses to participate in any external conflict: Switzerland.
I used to be a litigation attorney, and this entire job involved two sides fighting it out to prove in court that one side was right and the other was wrong. Conflict is huge business and many lawyers make millions of dollars a year helping various people fight conflicts:
In addition to lawyers, some of the biggest companies in the United States and in other countries have become rich and powerful by making weapons that assist with conflict.
Conflict is about ego. It is about saying that I am right and the other person is wrong. When people get divorced, it is usually because one person is wrong and the other person is right about something. I can remember that when I was going through a breakup with a live-in girlfriend several years ago, a fundamental issue was that I was not organized and neat enough. I was “wrong” because I did not organize my closet in a certain way (shirts of a certain color did not always go together), and I was “wrong” because I was not organized enough. There were also some crazy things that I thought my ex-girlfriend was wrong about as well. Nonetheless she would certainly tell you that I was wrong about more things than she was. Even in deciding who is wrong there is a balance, which kind of functions like a points system:
I may have done some bad stuff but you have done more bad stuff; therefore, I am more right than you are.
This is the nature of conflict. We are always blaming another person for something. People disagree all the time. Life is about disagreement. Everyone is in disagreement about something–more often than not, although you may notice that some people disagree more than others.
If you meet a man on the street who is down on his luck and sitting in a gutter, and you ask him why he is there, he will always have an explanation. His explanation will almost always involve someone else and something someone else did to put him in his current situation.
When you speak to someone who got fired from a job, his or her explanation will almost always involve someone else and something that someone else did.
When I am out and about in Las Vegas, I always see couples fighting and disagreeing about this or that. At Lawry’s The Prime Rib the other night, there was a huge disagreement going on between a couple in the seat next to us:
“I only had two drinks.”
“It is too much. You had a drink before we left too.”
“I did not, and if I want to relax, it is my business. . . .”
“I am very upset that you will not listen to me. You need to change.”
And so it goes.
During the dinner I got mad at the waitress because we waited more than forty-five minutes for our prime rib to arrive. Our waitress was wrong, of course, and I was right.
When I am walking down the Strip, I can always spot a couple disagreeing about this or that. Disagreement is pervasive, occurring on a consistent basis between people. People become angry over disagreements and this anger is something that is always there.
“You need to change . . . “
One of the most popular sports right now is Ultimate Fighting. This, like all sports, involves one side winning and the other side losing. Sports, in my opinion, is a civilized form of war between two people or groups of people. One city can fight another city. In the Olympics, one country can annihilate another country–without endangering the welfare of its own people.
Many people spend a good portion of their time being angry and blaming others for this or that. They may be angry with another driver. They may be angry with a relative. They may be angry at a boss. Everyone wants to blame the other for their own unhappiness, their own shortcomings.
We are all struggling to be perfect, and to be something. Most of us are doing what we can to move toward some sort of ideal that we have for ourselves and for our place in the world. This ideal could involve a better job, a better car or house, a different mate, getting our children into certain schools, winning a competition, or something else. We are all trying to move toward this ideal, and we will never reach it. Even if we reach aspects of this ideal for a short time, the chances are great that we will soon decide that another ideal exists, and we will then redirect ourselves toward it.
The problem with this struggle to attain our perfect life is that we are never, ever going to find the perfection we are seeking. There is always going to be someone more successful, happier, better off, faster, stronger, better looking, and so forth than us. We could reach one ideal of what we are seeking for ourselves; however, there are other goal posts that we will never reach. This struggle consumes most of our lives.
In Orthodox Judaism, the Sabbath (also known as Shabbat) is supposed to be a time during which people do no work. Cooking is not allowed. Commerce and spending money is not allowed. Not even writing with a pen or working on a computer are allowed. Driving a car is not allowed (this involves work because the pistons move up and down). Carrying objects a certain distance is not allowed because it involves work. Electricity is not allowed to be turned on and off under the more literal interpretations of Shabbat because this involves the movement of electrons and setting them to work.
Beyond doing no work, the Shabbat is a disconnection from the material world and from the act of “becoming” that most people constantly struggle with. Our days are generally filled with work and changing and trying to become something–we want to earn money; we want to improve in our careers; we want to get better at whatever we are doing; we do not want another person to get the upper hand on us in business. On Shabbat, people are supposed to do no work, to just be happy with who they are and contemplate the spiritual aspects of life. People are supposed to enjoy their families and lives, rather than worry about racing around from place to place, as we all do during the week.
What is interesting about this time is that it is a time when people can just be themselves, unencumbered by trying to change and become someone or something new. More importantly, commerce and work in some respects almost always involve a form of conflict:
Is the person doing his or her work correctly?
Did I get a good enough deal?
Is this person cheating me?
Can I make this piece of work better?
Hardly anyone follows Shabbat. In fact, most Jews do not follow it. The pressure of becoming, of commerce, and so forth is so strong that this spiritual aspect of life often goes ignored. We prefer to work and to be in conflict. It is what we are used to. In fact, most people’s lives are spent within the conflicted struggles of business and commerce, working desperately to become something new. Even this one simple day of rest on Shabbat is a gift and a right that most people in the working world do not seem to give themselves.
What I find so profound about the simple idea of taking a day off from everything is that this is something that most of us never allow ourselves to experience. It is largely for this reason, I believe, that most of our world is continually in conflict, as we are also continually in conflict with ourselves and others.
We are always looking outside of ourselves for peace. We believe that our peace will come when we are able to change others. We blame others as the cause of our frustrations, failures, and disappointments. We feel angry with others. We are always trying to prove the other person wrong and trying to be right ourselves.
We spend our entire lives with an opponent, angry at others and the world. We go into depression about others and find ourselves angry, hurt, and torn up inside. We constantly try to move toward some destination in business, in our careers, and in our lives, and we feel tense that we are not arriving there. Our lives are spent in this tension, hoping to be or become someone else.
The best piece of advice I can give you is, instead of looking outside of yourself for fulfillment, look within. Your reaction to the world is what is controlling how you feel. When you feel tension, or react to the world in a negative way, you are creating that state within yourself that is characterized by frustration, anger, tension, depression, and all sorts of other negative emotions. The wonderful truth is that you are in charge of how you react, and when you choose not to react in a negative way, then your life will begin to change.
Most people spend their lives in a negative reaction, trying to change others or change their place in the world. We are always moving toward something. When we stop trying to move toward something and we stop reacting negatively, our lives become much more fulfilling.
My advice to you is to try changing from a position of reaction to one of acceptance of the world. When you accept, you can go much further along your way towards whatever goal you have, and you will have less conflict with the people you meet along the way. You do not need to, and often cannot change anyone, anyplace, or anything around you: What you can change is your reaction to what you encounter.
THE LESSON
Your reactions to the world around you determine your state of mind and your progress in life. While most people tend to blame others for what is happening to them, you must learn to react in a positive way. You must understand that you usually cannot change the people and things around you, but you can control your reactions to these things; when you choose not to react negatively, you open the door to growth and fulfillment.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Life Lessons
Tagged: apply for a job, attorney search, career advice, change reactions, job blog | a harrison barnes, job search, legal career, legal jobs, legal profession, nature conflict, negative emotions, new jobs, world acceptance
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Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
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When faced with difficult times, you must develop the ability to transcend the trouble around you instead of giving up or assuming that nothing can be done about your situation. Keep your wits about you and take charge of the situation, and you will find yourself on track for constant improvement and career success.
It is extremely important that you enjoy your job. Most people find themselves in jobs that they resent, and eventually make this resentment known by appearing disinterested and distracted. Success comes from being engaged in and grateful for your work. You can define your job according to your own vision; you can either choose to engage with your work, or avoid and despise what you do. People recognize and appreciate those who are enthusiastic about their work.
Your résumé is an extremely important document. There are entire books written about how to craft them. I have written at least one myself. There are scores of résumé consultants, companies, and others that will work on your résumé for a fee. Hiring one of these services can be useful and can improve your résumé. Nevertheless, most résumés can improve dramatically by following the below advice.
In this article Harrison explains how you can do better in your career by selling. The most successful people are absolute masters at sales. Selling is among the most important career skills you can have. When you know how to sell something you can do exceptionally well wherever you go. Knowing how to sell something is a key to survival, advancement, fame, and fortune. Everything we do is about making a sale. Selling yourself is about showing others the value you can bring them. So package yourself to the best of your ability, always be at your best and sell yourself. Develop your sales skills and do not be afraid to sell anything. Whatever your goal in life, becoming an effective salesman will help you achieve it.
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In this article Harrison suggests that you actually may be safer getting a job without the help of family or friends. It is exceedingly rare that a friend or family member will ever be able to get you a position. They may not even want to help you get a job for various reasons. Their involvement in your job search may actually hurt you. The organization may actually look upon you negatively if you try to use a friend or family member to get a job. So going through a close contact is often counterproductive to your job search. Even if you get a position through a friend or family member, you could harm your relationship with that person in the process. Your friend or family member’s act of kindness may ultimately unbalance your relationship. The risks involved in this kind of job far outweigh the potential rewards.
A powerful sense of self will make all the difference in your life. You must understand that your sense of yourself and your capabilities come from inside of you, not from the external forces that have brought you to your current place in life. What you feel internally might be completely different from what the world is telling you, and you must learn to focus on the former rather than the latter.
In this article, Harrison explains the importance of making an effort in your job which is way above what is expected of you. When you have been given certain responsibilities, it means that someone is dependent on you for certain things. When you fulfill these duties far more efficiently, put in a lot more time and effort, and even stay back on weekends and holidays to complete or do extra work, your employers get the message that you are sharing their burden of pressures with them and begin to place tremendous trust in you. This is what paves the path to your promotion and growth in the company. Harrison believes that you need to develop the correct attitude and possess an extraordinary work ethic to thrive in the job you do.
In this article Harrison discusses how resisting change and not taking necessary and relevant action can be the biggest obstacles to a better career and better life. Resistance is something that prevents most people from ever changing. Resisting change can be highly damaging to your growth in your career and life. Instead of allowing your life to be controlled by external circumstances, choose to take action and bring about a change. Conduct a brutal self analysis if needed, to clear the blocks you have in your mind and to bring about change that is necessary. Most people give up. They do not persist. You need strategies and beliefs that will allow you to persist and persevere, so that you can change. The best strategy is to be focused, and this focus will help you overcome the resistance you face whenever you make an effort to begin changing.
Adopting a positive attitude will always bring you closer to success, as nobody wants to be associated with a losing side. Everyone wants to associate with and hire winners, and avoids losers. Nothing is more important than maintaining a positive attitude, as many employers hire people based primarily on attitude; with the right attitude, everything else will fall into place. You must look like you are on the winning team, even if times are tough; nobody wants to hire a loser.
The past does not dictate the future, so you should not use inductive reasoning to make conclusions about your life or career. Recognize when you are making incorrect conclusions based on past events, and switch to deductive reasoning in which you are not limited by the past. You will find your conclusions to be much more accurate, and you will succeed as a result.
When I was an attorney, I stopped going out to lunch with other attorneys during the day. The reason was not that I was not hungry. Instead, I stopped going out to lunch because just about everyone I worked with would want to dedicate the lunch to a critique—whether it was critiquing our bosses, coworkers, or others. When these people were not being critiqued, the job itself was being critiqued. When the job was not being critiqued, the attorney’s home life was being critiqued.
In this article Harrison discusses the significance of conditioning yourself to develop behaviors that will elevate you in your life. One of the most difficult things for anyone to do is to get leverage over themselves and condition themselves to go in a new direction. Very few people are ever able to make very fundamental transformations in their lives and become someone completely new and completely improved—and stick with it. Major improvements in our lives come only when we condition ourselves over and over again in one direction. You need to get leverage over yourself and condition new habits and behaviors within yourself to make any sort of fundamental and lasting change. The conditioning needs to be part of your lifestyle. You need to condition yourself to adopt new patterns in your life.
Going after companies on an “explosive growth” trend is among the most interesting and beneficial things you can do in your job search, as many such companies will hire you even if they do not have openings. Similarly, you can get hired in booming industries and geographical areas even if there are no openings, simply by showing up. Apply to growing companies, even if they do not have open positions.
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Reacting to life with ‘cool acceptance’ is going to be something that I will have to adopt – as most often, I and a lot of the people I encounter, are poised for a challenge; to re-make, re-do, change or upgrade a situation. This article is very liberating….Thanks.
fantastic Job.. good Work.. thanx for sharing…