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My one-year old daughter calls a coffee cup “hot” and avoids coffee cups lest she get burned. Until she learns that the coffee cup can also contain coffee, milk, and other foods that will not harm her, she is likely to avoid coffee cups for some time. She must have been burned a little by touching a coffee cup at one point and learned to stay away from them. Until she is able to see the coffee cup for what it is (a cup), and not her past experience (getting burned), she will not be able to experience anything positive that can be associated with a coffee cup. What does she know about the coffee cup except her association with it being hot in the past? She has no idea what a coffee cup is except what she experienced in her past learning. Does she, then, really see the coffee cup?
My daughter’s reaction to a coffee cup is no different than how many of us react to life due to negative experiences we’ve had in the past. We make giant generalizations about various people, places, and things and end up living our lives and careers controlled by generalizations about our past. This limits the number of opportunities we have access to and prohibits us from living the lives and having the careers we could potentially have. For most of us, our limited understanding of the past actually ends up limiting our opportunities in the future.
How we deal with our past largely influences how we perceive the present. We may have had negative experiences in the past and these negative experiences control us because we want to avoid having them in the future. I spent several years of my life working in law firms and, to this day, I don’t like going into law firms because they make me feel uncomfortable and remind me of when I was practicing law. Notwithstanding, I make my living from law firms as a legal recruiter and fight against this uncomfortable feeling I get every time I go inside one. You, too, may have reactions to environments, people, places, and things that remind you of negative and emotionally draining experiences you may have had in the past.
It’s important when you’re having these reactions to make sure your reaction is the proper one for what’s really going on. You don’t want to negatively react to the wrong thing in your past or perform generalizations about something that’s unrelated to any past pain you may have experienced. For example, my daughter was reacting with a huge generalization that all cups are “hot” and to be avoided. Were she to carry this logic to its conclusion, she would spend her life never drinking anything out of a coffee cup again. She would be depriving herself of all the enjoyment that can come from enjoying the contents of a coffee cup based on a massive generalization that if she goes near any coffee cup she is likely to get burned.
Because most of us have had limited experiences in the world, we too form generalizations regarding our beliefs as to the directions our careers should take based upon these incredibly limited experiences:
I could continue with this list of preferences almost indefinitely, and these preferences are something that really control what happens to us and in our lives. Many of these preferences could be seen as more than just “preferences” and could instead be called “musts” because many people refuse to work in certain types of environments and do certain things that are largely controlled by their past.
When I was growing up, down the street was a family that was extremely poor. The family never had proper clothes, and they never had enough to eat. One of the real low points must have been the time my mother went out and bought a Boy Scouts uniform for one of the boys because their mother couldn’t afford one. The mother had asked my mom to do this, and she had. My mother then asked me to take the uniform over to their house and give it to the boy. I remember that, despite the fact that he and several of his brothers were at home, he didn’t answer the door. I left it in between the front door of the home and the screen door.
This family was incredibly poor and never had enough of anything because, back in the 1970s in Detroit, plumbers were unionized. If you didn’t belong to a union, it was apparently extremely difficult to get a job, and this particular man was chronically unemployed. He didn’t drink or smoke and was fit and willing to work. Due to some early experience he had with unions, however, he simply refused to have anything to do with any job that involved the unions. Due to this one belief about how “evil” he believed unions were, he was effectively cutting himself off from participating in virtually every job out there. His family literally starved due to this, and his wife ended up divorcing him because he could never find work.
This is an example of someone whose beliefs about something in the past are controlling their future. I am sure there are examples in your own life about beliefs from things in the past and how they are controlling your future. You need to ensure you don’t shortchange yourself and your future life due to erroneous beliefs you may have about the past.
Because most of my career has involved legal recruiting, one of the conversations I’ve had many times throughout my career is a call from attorneys in New York City who inform me they no longer have any interest in working in New York City. They may say something along the lines of the following:
“I never want to work in New York City again. The people there are too competitive and mean. I need to get out of here and work in a smaller market.”
The experiences these people are having in New York City are typically just related to the practice of law in general. The practice of law in any law firm is “competitive” and “mean” in many respects. However, most people that don’t like practicing law who are working in New York City will generalize the fact that they do not like New York City and not they do not like the practice of law. This is another sort of generalization that’s extremely dangerous. Here, someone is making a generalization about a massive geographic market and the people within it instead of looking at what really may be the cause of their frustrations.
The attorney who forsakes the entire City of New York is often making a very reckless mistake. First of all, there are thousands of law firms in the city. To surmise that not a single one of them may be a place the attorney would like working is dangerous. Secondly, the attorney who is contemplating moving out of New York may already have a life set up there. They may have children in school, and they may already have a substantial network of professional contacts. Third, the attorney has already taken the bar exam in the state. To simply walk away from this is extremely reckless.
In speaking with these people, I’m always pretty amazed because they will have all sorts of generalizations about why they don’t like New York that involve things like public transportation, the size of their apartments, and other trivial things. Most of these conversations never revolve around how the situation may be fixable in New York itself and not require a cross-country move to another part of the United States. For example, the person may be better off practicing law inside a corporation or working in a different practice area of the law in New York City. However, few of these people will regularly undertake this sort of rigorous self-examination and will instead make various conclusions about why New York is the wrong market for them to be working in.
This person may subsequently pick up their family and moved to a small southern town to practice law. They may end up earning one third the salary and working just about as hard as they did in New York. The attorney may have a wife and children they bring with them in the move. Once the attorney starts working with the new law firm in the small city, they will start experiencing the same pressures and issues again. They will have left all of their friends and maybe even some relatives back in New York and now will be isolated in a small town. The attorney may spend years trying to convince themselves that the problem they had was New York City and not the practice of law, their practice area, or another issue with the work. They will spend the rest of their career avoiding New York for jobs under the belief that this is something that created problems for them.
You need to be aware of beliefs you may have from things that have happened to you in the past that may be limiting you today. What are these beliefs and how are they hurting you? The past never equals the future and associations of what things represent from the past can be extremely dangerous.
Several years ago, I had a customer in my asphalt business, Ken, who owned a giant mansion in Grosse Pointe, Michigan. I would see this man every year when I would come by to work on his asphalt, and I made personal friends with him to some extent over the years. He was a person I liked very much, and I feel bad for not staying in more contact with him throughout the years. On his property, he had a guest house, and he had a tenant in the guest house who was a man around 45 years old. The man had never been married and Ken noticed that there was a constant procession of new women continually going to the guest house over the years. Eventually, Ken told me he sat down with the man and asked him why he could never have a steady relationship. He said that the man told him he wanted to, but that he kept cheating on his girlfriends. When Ken asked him why he continued to do this, the man stated that he had learned somewhere along the line that if he did not cheat on women, they would eventually cheat on him, so he never saw any reason to be faithful. Ken tried to reason with the man, but the man simply couldn’t bring himself to believe anything different than this.
Think about the gravity of this statement and how truly significant it is. This one belief this man had picked up in the past was preventing him from ever settling down and having a family. He was essentially dooming himself to a life of short-term relationships and connections with other people due to a belief deep down that no one could be trusted. We all have beliefs like this, and these beliefs can be guiding our careers for the positive or the negative.
A couple of years ago, I purchased a house that didn’t have any air conditioning or heat in it. I still live in this house today. The previous owner of the home had been forcibly evicted from it and, for whatever reason, had taken the entire air conditioning and heating system with him. I am unclear what someone would do with used heaters and air conditioners, but this guy was able to accomplish this. The situation was even a bit more alarming because the owner of the house left in the middle of the night. He was being watched and pursued by the Federal Bureau of Investigations and other authorities for stealing $40,000,000 from school teachers and others. He was eventually arrested in Aspen, Colorado, for various crimes after checking into a hotel under the name “Bryce Pilaf” (“Rice Pilaf”)–not his real name–and passing numerous bad checks.
For several weeks, I lived in this house with no air conditioning or heat. We had moved in during the Fall and despite the fact that I live in Los Angeles, the nights do get pretty cold. Showers in the morning were the worst. While I was enjoying the significant financial savings, my wife was starting to get really upset by this. Eventually, I got estimates for having the work done. It was not an inexpensive job. In fact, I believe it cost about $15,000 to have everything done. I selected a contractor based on price alone and not anything in particular other than that.
For several days, the air conditioning contractor worked on the job with another worker. The contractor in charge of the job was extremely dramatic about the entire thing.
“This is hard work, oh boy!!” he would say every time I saw him running around the house.
After he had completed the job, he came to me and presented me a bill for the work he had done. I owed him around $5,000 because I had given him two progress payments of $5,000 each for the job. The bill he presented to me was for $10,000.
“Clearly, this is not the correct amount,” I told him. “The balance due is $5,000.”
The contractor then puffed his chest out and started telling me how the work was “much harder” than he had originally believed and, due to this, he “deserved” an “extra $5,000.” Obviously, I did not pay him the extra $5,000. However, I was absolutely fascinated that this guy thought he could get away with this and proceeded to talk with the contractor about his experience doing this sort of thing. I got him to “loosen up,” and he told me that he always did this on jobs, and everyone always agreed to pay him more money. He told me that, in his experience, this “always works.” He related a belief about his customers that they were basically “evil,” and his job was to take as much money from each person as he possibly could.
The man was a complete “scum bag,” but I realized right then and there that somewhere in the past this man had learned that the best way to get ahead was to rip people off like this. I found the experience extremely informative on several levels. Here was someone who had learned and came to believe that his customers were there to be stolen from, intimidated, and not served. He had to take as much money from each person as possible, and he needed to do it unethically and in whatever way he could. This was this man’s belief about business and how he did his job.
I looked this guy up with the State of California a couple of days later and saw that he did not even have a contractor’s license because it had been taken away by the state for this sort of behavior. What I found so difficult to believe was that this guy’s entire career had been defined by being incredibly dishonest. The more I had questioned him, the more I realized that this was the only way he knew and understood how to get ahead in his work. He only knew being dishonest.
One of the most destructive things we all do is look at the world in front of us in a way that is defined almost entirely by the past. We use the past as a guide to what objects, people, and circumstances represent in the present. You do this. I do this, and everyone around us does this. The past has an incredibly defining impact on the things that happen to us in the present. In fact, all of the decisions we make about our lives and what happens to us in the present are affected by what has happened to us in the past.
In the case of this contractor, somewhere deep down he believed the only way he could get ahead was to be dishonest. He literally didn’t know how to be honest in business. His entire perception of the world was controlled by a belief that it’s best to be dishonest. People seek to control their future by making giant generalizations about the past. They generalize the way things are going to be by things that happened to them in the past.
You need to look very closely at your life and see how your beliefs about the past may be limiting you in the future. Do not allow the past to limit the opportunities you have today.
THE LESSON
For most of us, our limited understanding of the past can in turn limit our future opportunities. Looking at the future as defined by your past experiences is among the most destructive things you can do. Instead, look very closely in your life and determine how your past opinions may be limiting your current situation then change those opinions.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, How to Succeed, Life Lessons, Staying Positive
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Do not be distracted by your insecurities and doubts, or you will never achieve success because you will not allow it to happen. Focus only on the message about your skills and capabilities. Identify your goals and create a gameplan, and fill your mind with positive and hopeful messages that will drive you towards said goal.
In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
In this article Harrison discusses how people who stand for something always do better than those who do not. Companies who stand for something always do better than companies who do not. The most successful companies not only stand for something, but they are completely consistent with their core principles. This is what keeps them going and this is what makes them successful. One of the largest problems that people have in their careers is when they diverge from what they are good at. When you do not stand for something, you divert from your true strength. Everything begins to crumble and slowly fall apart when you are not doing something that you are really good at. The biggest success comes when you stand for something and are good at it.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
When myriad candidates are applying to limited positions, practicing unusual tactics in your job hunt will prove far more helpful than following the established routine and waiting for positions to come to you. Much like in military strategy, well-planned and unconventional moves can help you conquer your goals without suffering significant losses. You can land an excellent position by focusing on companies’ needs, rather than depending on job and recruiting advertisements.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
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Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
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Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
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I found this website while looking for employment in the Phoenix area. I was amazed that of all the links I could have clicked on, I chose this one. I have worked in the legal profession for 30 years. I am a trial paralegal and recently moved from the Los Angeles area to the Phoenix area for a quieter, gentler life style. While I do not believe I am running from my past, I have had many sleepless nights in the past month pondering my decision to leave a solid 6-figure position at a prominent national law firm during the worse economic times our country has faced in 26 years. I am fearful that I made the wrong decision economically but confident I did the right thing for my spirit. I enjoyed reading this article and it made me do some hard thinking this morning. Thank you. Deborah
Hey,
I just wanted to write that I really appreciated this post and thought it had some great advice for job seekers out there. I’m going to link to it on my layoff, career advice, and employment blog.
Great post about limiting beliefs.
Jared
Mr. Barnes- I think you have some interesting things to say. However, I wish you would proof your work or have someone do it. The typos and errors are beyond distracting and bordering on egregious. In fact, I stopped reading.
I don’t believe that leaving New York City was a mistake or running from my past. NYC is crowded with attorneys. It has opportunity but the ratio of attorneys to opportunities gets worse at a faster rate than in other cities. The size of apartments and rents is not trivial. You’ve described your beautiful home in the past and how you get so much from looking at the sea. You understand what it means to work hard and not be able to renew your spirit. I’m a big fan of yours, Harrison, but disagree on this one.
This is so true. I need to stop thinking about the past and even worrying about what has already happened. Sometimes I try to explain what happened to myself looking for the reason and it doesn’t really matter. No one is bothered about it but me.
Reading your thoughts reminds me of my philosophy class back in college. Always thoughtful. Thank you.
Austin McElwee
Dear Mr. Harrison,
Ohh , really , exellent article and good understanding about our practicle life. I appreciate your efforts to make working people understand about their life. Very good ……
I would like to take an opportunity to ask something about myself. I am 50years old working with Air cooler manufacturing company as Export marketing Manager. I am working in this company for last four years. My qualification is Diploma in Textile Technolgy and I worked in textile Industry for almost 23years as Export marketing manager. I changed the industry just four years back because I did not get proper opportunity.
Would you please advise me that I should continue in new industry or go back to textile Industry.
Your kind advise will be highly appreciated.