Featured
View Count: 3318
One of the biggest mistakes people make when they are looking for a job, working in a job, and in life is this: They have too many rules.
This list is probably less than 10% of the sorts of rules that you have about what your current or next job should be. We make up so many rules for what should exist where we work and in the work we do. These rules are constant and we continually create numerous, numerous rules about what our jobs should be like. We also do this with our lives. We believe we should be more wealthy, more religious or spiritual, have more friends, have closer intimate relationships and more. We, in fact, continually create rule after rule for ourselves and about what we desire and want for ourselves. The problem with this line of thinking is that it prevents us from ever finding fulfillment in what we do right now.
For most of my entire time growing up, both of my parents were single. It was amazing to me watching them go in and out of various relationships because after each relationship one would say something like, “I need someone who is more educated.” The next relationship they were in they would find someone who was educated. When this relationship would end they would say something like, “I need to find someone who is not so interested in ideas and is more interested in sports and taking care of their body.” The next relationship they would find someone who was very outgoing with sports. When that relationship ended, they would say something like, “I need someone who knows how to relax.” They would get into another relationship and, in my mother’s case, she found a guy who liked to watch television while eating all of his meals. Then she said, “I need someone who has better manners,” when that relationship ended. To this day, I see my parents coming up with impossible combinations of rules for who their ideal mate should be and the rules are “refreshed” and modified and added to as each relationship ends and another begins.
For the close to 40 years I’ve known my parents, they’ve been making new rules about mates on and off at least once a year. I’m not being critical of them for doing this because we all do it. We constantly making new rules about so many things in our lives. We make these rules over and over and over. We constantly creating one rule or another about how something should be this or that in order for things to be as we feel they should be. If the world doesn’t match what we seek, then we choose not to feel good about ourselves, feel some sort of angst, and aren’t happy.
The result of these rules is they serve to isolate us in many respects. The rules give us reasons for not feeling like everything is perfect and that something is wrong. The rules prevent us from working on what’s in front of us at the moment and making the most of it and being happy. The rules separate us from people, jobs, and opportunities. A major key to happiness in life and success in your chosen calling is doing everything within your power to not have so many rules. The more rules you have, the less happy you will generally be. Rules are something that create a blueprint for how we believe our lives should be. The more blueprints we have about the way life should be, and the less our life conditions match these blueprints, the less happy we will be.
Several years ago, I had a mix of people who were very young and others who were quite older (in their 60s) working for our company. In our company’s younger days, the young people were extremely enthusiastic about it. Desks were doors, for example, and we used the area where a door handle should have been for cords. The young employees went out after work several times a week. We had a pool table that doubled as a ping pong table in the office. A foosball table. Darts. In general, the office was an extremely fun place to work and had the atmosphere of a carnival. The company attracted the best young people and young people loved working for us because we were young and energetic and quite excited about the world and doing very well. In the 2001 recession, our revenues continued rocketing up. For the young people in our company, it was a great place to work and matched their expectatons about what a young California company with a strong online strategy should be.
As the company grew, we started hiring older people who had a lot of experience and in some cases, had retired and were coming back to work. These people brought a lot of experience to the table but didn’t share the same enthusiasm for working for at a younger company.
One day, I heard one of our older employees, in their 60s I believe, arguing with one of our star younger employees who was much more intelligent than the older employee. I couldn’t believe what the older employee said to the younger employee: “If you were so talented, you wouldn’t have to work in a small company like this and would be working in a large company like I did when I was at your age!”
This argument was amazing to me. Essentially, what the older employee was saying, was that it was not a good thing to be working at a smaller company. His idea and his model for the world was that it was a bad thing to work at a small company instead of a large company. I could tell the older employee wasn’t happy with their job but I never knew it was for this reason. In effect, the older employee was trying to share with the younger employee a “rule” about how he should feel about his job based on the size of the company he was working at. We all have these rules. These rules control so completely for many of us how we feel about our careers and lives that it’s profound. People believe they need to work at a certain place in order to be happy. Once someone works in this or that place, they believe they need to be doing a certain type of work there in order to be happy. Once they do this certain type of work, they believe they need to be making a certain amount of money. The list goes on and on …
I can say unequivocally that the smartest people I’ve known in my life have most often been the ones who are the most unhappy. The reason for this, I believe, is due to the fact that these smart people are continually using their intelligence to create rules and not feel happy. They look at the world around them and can see all sorts of reasons they shouldn’t feel fulfilled and happy. This thought process then ends up making them continually feel unhappy and unfulfilled with the world around them.
When I grew up in Detroit, people always seemed to be comparing this or that to something in a large city. They would say “this is a New York-style art gallery,” or “this food is just as good as California cuisine in Napa Valley,” or this is similar to that. This comparing and contrasting is also a form of rule making and it’s something we all do, I think. We say to ourselves that where we live must be just as good as somewhere else. We do this with everything. Our jobs. Our mates. Our lives …
There is nothing wrong with having certain standards about the sort of work you would like to do. There’s also nothing wrong with having standards for your job. However, there is a tremendous amount wrong when these are not standards but rules which control whether or not we find the job we are after and whether or not we can enjoy the jobs we are in. Your life and career will never be fulfilled if you have too many rules governing it.
One of the strangest things to me is every time I go to New York City and spend time with connected and wealthy people. I love New York City and I love the people there in so many ways. However, unlike any place in the world I’ve ever encountered, the people there have learned to create so many rules. There are rules about where the best places to live are. Rules about the best places to eat. Rules about the best places to sit in restaurants. Rules about the best clubs to go to. Moreover, what’s so completely confusing about New York is these rules are always changing like the ether. A rule about something one day is completely different the next.
A giant secret to being successful in your career and job is making sure that you have rules that empower you and don’t cause you frustration. Rules about how to get a job and how to enjoy the work you’re doing are something that can cause you a tremendous amount of harm. You need to choose rules that empower you and give you the strength and power to push forward and enjoy what you do. Not rules that hold you back and continually cause you frustration.
THE LESSON
It’s important to establish rules for yourself that empower rather than frustrate you. Creating rules about your goals prevents you from finding fulfillment in your current situation. Rules create the impression that your life is imperfect, and you will never find happiness in your life and career. Instead, make sure you have rules that motivate you to move forward rather than hold you back.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Staying Positive
Tagged: create rules, intimate relationship, numerous rules, tremendous amount of harm
Job Market
recent posts
Do not be distracted by your insecurities and doubts, or you will never achieve success because you will not allow it to happen. Focus only on the message about your skills and capabilities. Identify your goals and create a gameplan, and fill your mind with positive and hopeful messages that will drive you towards said goal.
In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
In this article Harrison discusses how people who stand for something always do better than those who do not. Companies who stand for something always do better than companies who do not. The most successful companies not only stand for something, but they are completely consistent with their core principles. This is what keeps them going and this is what makes them successful. One of the largest problems that people have in their careers is when they diverge from what they are good at. When you do not stand for something, you divert from your true strength. Everything begins to crumble and slowly fall apart when you are not doing something that you are really good at. The biggest success comes when you stand for something and are good at it.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
When myriad candidates are applying to limited positions, practicing unusual tactics in your job hunt will prove far more helpful than following the established routine and waiting for positions to come to you. Much like in military strategy, well-planned and unconventional moves can help you conquer your goals without suffering significant losses. You can land an excellent position by focusing on companies’ needs, rather than depending on job and recruiting advertisements.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
You need to provide people what they want, otherwise you will not have a job. Although they might not always be the most desirable kinds of jobs, certain jobs always exist because they provide services that people will always require. The only secret to continual employment is to provide a service that people always need; if you do this, and nothing else, you will always find yourself employed. Give people what they want.
Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
The ability to fit into your work environment is among the most important parts of obtaining and retaining a job, even more so than your skill level. Fitting in means nothing more than being comfortable in one’s work environment, and making others similarly comfortable. Employers want to hire people who will embrace their approach to business and the world on physical and moral levels, so you must strive to fit in with their worldview.
Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
Related Posts:
Harrison Barnes:
Getting Ahead:
The Role of Jobs in Today's World:
Career Advice:
© 2025 Harrisonbarnes All Rights Reserved
I totally agree on these rules! I have a friend who is so set on working for a radio station as a DJ he isn’t seeing anything else besides this. He won’t move out of his parent’s house, he won’t see that he could create a podcast, get advertisers and draw an audience maybe this way it could lead him to a great job, and he also doesn’t see networking as an opportunity because you never know who you are going to come in contact with.
I have been networking and when I was a child I thought I was going to become a writer. I still think in some sense I will but I also have a passion for Red Wings hockey.
My dream now is how do I make a niche website great again. It has gone to the gutter and has little love but I have been with this website since its inception and I believe it can be great again and I also believe social media networks can help make it great again!
I just had to say, an amazing piece.
And so very true.
Ofcourse we need certain things that need to be done in order, and order is the word here to have a healthy life.
I just think that humanity as whole could be much happier if we do not make all these rules for ourselves on how life “should” be.
“If I have this, or things go this way I’ll be happy”, but you never get there, waisting all this beauty that is around you today.
I quite my job because of this and I am now building something for myself, very uncertain and maybe scary but at least I’m doing what I want to, instead of someone telling me how things should be, in someone else’s eyes.
Also I am in love with a woman that has rules for everything and it is tiresome for us both, she’s unhappy and she calls me to relaxed.
I’m not, ofcourse I worry too, bills, job, house, all of that but some years ago I found out for myself that life is so much better if you can just accept things for what they are.
I just hope that she can get there as well and we can be happy together.
In this article Harrison Barnes tells that a giant secret to being successful in our career and job is making sure that we have rules that empower us.Then he tells that rules about how to get a job and how to enjoy the work we are doing are something that can cause.This is an amazing idea.
I had read all you articles.There are all instructive.I notice a lot and then I go to follow the way to accomplish what I desire.You know in this life man or woman is whom he or she wants to be.I choose to be a good man and to do well everyday, everywhere and every moment.You tell true when you rephrase John Milton’s sentence:”The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven”.I agree with you and think thank it’s very well said.About your article of Negotiation, Yes all is Negotiable even life.Very good.We share the same point of view.I usaully negotiate with everyone and never use violence or grumble for getting anything.Negotiation skills of mind can lead someone far.The mean thing is to know what we want to do or to obtain and to gather all skills and competence for negotiation.That needs good manners, respect, intelligence, patience and faith on what we do or search…I do a little resume of responses about your articles you had sent me last days.About rejection it’s everywhere.Why I tell it?Because now powerfull and wealth are the two words that domine the world.Everywhere we go if we are not wealth or power, we are not considered well or become ” banished” and you can excuse me for this word.But to be happy is not so necessary to be wealth.I know many people who are happy but aren’t wealth or power.Men and women must change their visions because there are many people who are wealth and not happy.You had sent me a topic about it.Before your topic I had knew something about it in our city(Dakar capital of Senegal) since many years.Sometimes I wonder:”Is it a crazy world?” As Luky Duke a South African reggea man sang before his death.He tittled his album:”A crazy world”.Now It’s important to know how to communicate with himself as you notice in your article.And that’s what I do each single day.Be sure Sir Barnes!I rephrase your aticle lesson:
Your happiness and quality of life depend largely on the meanings that your ascribe to the things around you, so you must communicate with yourself in a way that makes you feel positive, not negative. You must interpret your life’s events in a way that makes you feel good about yourself rather than otherwise.
Thanks a lot!
From Tine!
– Michel S. TINE