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Around 4:00 p.m. each day in New York, there is a shift change among cabs. During the shift change, the cab drivers have to return the cabs to dispatch and give them to another driver. Between 3:30 and 4:00 p.m. yesterday, I stood in front of a big office building trying to hail a cab to the airport; more than twenty cabs stopped, then refused to take me to the airport when they found out where I was going. It was also pretty cold out there and I was a bit desperate, so I started flagging down every single Lincoln Town Car I saw.
A few cars stopped and asked me what was wrong. The third car stopped and told me he would take me to the airport for $65—he was an illegal cab driver who had been patrolling for people just like me.
During the ride to the airport, the driver told me that I was lucky he had agreed to take me to La Guardia because a police officer nicknamed ”King Kong” was working that day. He told me that after dropping me off, he planned on parking the car and approaching people leaving the airport. Apparently, he had been caught doing this before and each time he was caught, he was fined $300 and put in jail for a day or two.
He also said that ”a friend” had sent a bunch of cocaine to his house from Colombia around a decade ago and he had signed for it and ended up going to prison.
”I wish they’d stop bringing that shit up. It was more than ten years ago, and I never asked him to send me $60,000 in cocaine anyway. How was I supposed to know what was in the package?”
For more than an hour, I heard a long tirade about King Kong. King Kong has apparently gotten his name because he has put hundreds of illegal ”cabbies” in jail and does the work of twenty-plus police officers. He runs around the airport arresting illegal cabbies all day, every day. King Kong has arrested so many illegal cab drivers that he is known to most of the thousands of illegal cab drivers throughout the city of New York.
Despite being an ordinary police officer, King Kong has a special place in his heart for arresting illegal cab drivers. He loves his job and approaches it with a sense of enthusiasm that is legendary.
I love it when I hear stories about people like King Kong. There are people like this in every profession—those whose commitment and enthusiasm is legendary. These are people who have tapped into something that others have not and whose careers take on the quality of a mission.
Why would King Kong be so interested in putting illegal cab drivers in jail? I am sure that he has a special interest because it fulfills some sort of emotional need he has. The emotional need could be the desire to feel powerful, to feel in control, pride in his work, a massive disdain for illegal activity, a sense of empathy for legal cab drivers—who knows. Whatever it is, I am sure that there is an emotional component to King Kong’s enthusiasm for his job. When you find someone who is extremely talented at anything, there is always an emotional component to it. They do what they do because it makes them feel a certain way. They become dependent upon their jobs for how they feel emotionally.
In the East, there is a belief that we should be happy and enjoy life now because this is all that exists. In the West, we are taught to go out and achieve something so that we can feel good about ourselves.
To Westerners, therefore, feelings of happiness and a person’s emotional state is often based on level of achievement. If people are achieving goals and successful at what they set out to do, they tell themselves they can be happy. If they have not achieved what they sought to, they are not happy.
Do you know people who are unsuccessful? I do. There is nothing wrong with being unsuccessful—what is problematic is how people choose to feel about themselves when they are not achieving what they want to. People often do not give themselves permission to be happy because they have not achieved what they wanted to.
Lawyers are some of the worst. There is an entire ”pecking order” of the most prestigious and least prestigious law firms. It is a huge accomplishment going to law school and becoming an attorney. Nevertheless, many attorneys never allow themselves to feel truly happy and successful because they do not feel their firm is prestigious enough.
I know people who have had dreams of being in show business, writing novels, and so forth who have not yet achieved these dreams. These people, too, believe that once they achieve these dreams, their emotional state will change and they will be happy. Because they have not achieved these dreams, they feel a profound sense of disappointment in their lives and who they are.
There is nothing wrong with using tension and goals to motivate you to achieve something more. In fact, you should have goals because they motivate you. But problems can occur when you allow your current level of achievement to dictate how you feel about yourself.
You see, most of what we do in our lives is about trying to attain a certain emotional state. Instead of feeling the emotional state we want, we allow our emotional state to be completely influenced by external events—many of which we have no control over.
Imagine if you played the lottery each day and went into a deep funk every time you lost. You might mope around and feel bad about yourself for picking the wrong number combination. Then the next day you would do the same thing. Then you would do this again. You might justify to yourself that everything will be better and you will finally be happy once you hit the big one.
My guess is you are smart enough not to have fallen into this trap with the lottery. You probably would tell yourself that this sort of thought process is of no benefit to you and that it does not make sense to base how you feel about yourself on something over which you have no control. Instead, you probably do not give much thought to the lottery at all and do something besides feeling bad about this.
While it is a subtle distinction, I hope you can see the trap of this thought process—because it can apply to any externality you are basing your emotional state on. It can trap you where you least expect it. It can make you feel bad about your current job—and allow this feeling to fester. It can make you feel bad about your current financial situation—and allow this feeling to fester.
We control our thoughts and choose how we feel. Not external events, not titles, not money. We control our emotions.
Most of what we do in life can be traced back to a need that we have to experience certain emotions. We do the things we do because of how we hope they will make us feel—often not even because we want to do them. We are more concerned with chasing an emotion than we are with the actual task at hand.
Whatever emotion you can think of, the odds are very good that we have a belief that something external to us will bring about this emotion.
The key to really being happy in our lives is to not make our emotional state dependent on anything external to us—we should allow ourselves to be happy, fulfilled, proud, valued, and so forth naturally. When we make other people and external events responsible for our emotions, we limit the quality of our lives. Since the quality of our lives comes down to how we feel, the importance of allowing ourselves to be naturally happy should be obvious.
Because so much of our existence is tied up with the search for various emotions, it stands to reason that our emotional state—and having a good one—is among the most important tasks we have as human beings. The way you feel about life and the world will have a tremendous impact on your psychological health and the health of those around you.
THE LESSON
Everyone tries to maintain a certain emotional state, and learning to control your own emotions will have a profound impact on your career. While everyone allows their emotional states to be influenced by outside events, there is no advantage in basing your own emotions on things that you cannot control. Allow yourself to discover happiness and fulfillment naturally, rather than making your emotions dependant on external circumstances. Your outlook will have a tremendous impact on your psychological health, as well as that of those around you.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Getting Ahead, Staying Positive
Tagged: career advice, emotion, emotional states
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In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
In this article Harrison discusses how people who stand for something always do better than those who do not. Companies who stand for something always do better than companies who do not. The most successful companies not only stand for something, but they are completely consistent with their core principles. This is what keeps them going and this is what makes them successful. One of the largest problems that people have in their careers is when they diverge from what they are good at. When you do not stand for something, you divert from your true strength. Everything begins to crumble and slowly fall apart when you are not doing something that you are really good at. The biggest success comes when you stand for something and are good at it.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
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You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
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Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
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Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
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Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
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To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
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Its easy to say that we can “choose” our feelings. Choosing a feeling in the face of a job loss, illness, divorce etc. is difficult maybe impossible. How to “choose” your preferred emotion, that would be an interesting topic. Sadness and all its accompanying forms is experienced differently be everyone.
Thank you so much for this article! I was feeling bummed because I can’t seem to find a job — but then I am not that patient. It is scary how we trick our minds into thinking the wrong things. Your article reminded me of not giving up. Good things don’t come easy. Thank you!