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Several years ago, I was at a wedding rehearsal dinner with a man who was one of the several owners of a very famous New York and Los Angeles sushi restaurant called Nobu. I had never met the man before that night. I was seated right next to him and both of us were for some reason not at the “popular” tables at this event. We seemed to be isolated from the rest of the people, who all seemed to be having a very good time. The man was very wealthy and had a lot of very good business experience, which we discussed. I was actually excited to be seated directly next to him because I figured he could teach me a lot about business.
This fellow had a very serious demeanor about him, and you could pick up a sort of calculating vibe from him. He was dressed very casually, as if he had been by the beach earlier in the day, and he seemed a little disappointed that he was seated next to me, since I was in my early 30s at the time and did not have much in common with him. His eyes darted around to see what other notables at the dinner were doing the whole time.
We made some idle chitchat for a while and then I started to ask him more personal questions:
“Are you married?” I asked.
“No, I have never been married,” he told me.
Since he was probably at least in his mid-50s I found this somewhat unusual so I prodded a little further. We were at a Mexican restaurant, and once the man was into his second Cadillac margarita–a strong drink–he seemed to be really loosening up. He was drinking pretty fast and he was starting to smile. His intense vibe seemed to be disappearing.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Frankly, I never plan on getting married. What’s the point? I am wealthy and I live in Los Angeles where there are tons of young, beautiful women all around.”
That made some sense.
“You should have brought a girlfriend with you to the dinner,” I said.
“Oh no, I do not have any girlfriends. Who needs that aggravation? I work too hard. I prefer prostitutes.”
“Are you kidding?” I said, laughing. I really thought he must have been joking.
“No, I am not. I have a different one stop by three or four times a week. I have a couple of services that send the girls by, and I pay on my charge card. Who needs a relationship and all the trouble that goes along with that? It is actually cheaper to get prostitutes than to be married or have girlfriends.”
As I am sure you can imagine I was really taken aback by that statement. In fact, I did not really believe him. I questioned him further and he calmly went into the reasons why he had made this “lifestyle choice” over a decade ago, and how he thought it was the smartest thing he had ever done. He was completely serious, and I remained astonished. Later that evening, I figured out a way to politely drop this into a conversation I was having with the man’s friends and, sure enough, everything the man had told me was true. In fact, the guy had the habit of showing up to dinners and events with his friends and saying things like:
Stories like this are hard to believe. I watch plenty of television, but I did not realize this sort of thing actually happens in real life. Interestingly, I do not think you would ever see someone like this living in a smaller town in the United States. People like this, I imagine, can only exist in big cities, where there is tons of trade going on and people are buying and selling things in a frenzy–places like Los Angeles and New York. Only this kind of environment can possibly produce people like this.
I am not going to get into moral and other reflections about this because that is not the point of my story. What was so fascinating to me, though, is that here I was speaking with an incredibly successful businessman–and he had a view of relationships, love, and life that completely contradicted everything I had ever known. He had turned everything that seems to be so personal and sacred into a commodity, something to charge on his American Express and pay for at the end of the month.
The more I thought about this, the more I realized that this method of thinking about people is extremely common among many people out there: They simply look at other people as commodities. A commodity is something basic that can be bought, sold, or traded. In fact, the entire goal and pressure of a capitalistic society is to essentially make everything into a commodity. Since people work so hard, they want to feel that the money they make can satisfy every possible need they might have, and because of this, everyone’s needs are able to be filled by commodities, which our society constantly churns out in one form or another.
In your career and life you need to escape the world of being considered a commodity. When you are a commodity, you can be replaced at whim and you have no value independently of others in the market and world. You need to do something that differentiates you from others and protects you from becoming seen as a commodity. If you are unique, you are not something people can just purchase on the open market–and you are not a commodity.
The man with the prostitutes was really missing out, as far as I am concerned. If he ever allowed himself to get close to a woman, the woman would
There would be a bond there that would be incredibly different from anything else; that woman could not be considered a commodity. A woman who understood the man so well would never be a commodity. She would be far beyond being put on a charge card. She would be precious to the man and altogether intangible. And if he were ever to lose her, the man would have a very difficult time ever replacing her.
What is conspicuously absent in the way most people think about their careers is an understanding that they need to escape the forces that are constantly seeking to make them commodities. If you are a commodity you are no different from a prostitute in the following sense: You show up and do your work and get paid. There is not much there to differentiate you from others who do the same work. In fact, just like a prostitute, most people in their work and jobs can be replaced with a simple phone call. What you need to do is move beyond this; you must establish yourself as someone with unique skills, talents, and value who could never be replaced.
In order to create real value for an employer, or anyone, you first need to understand them and where they want to go. You need to understand what motivates them and what is important to them. Regardless of whom you are dealing with, virtually every single person in the economy is in the business of trying to help others become better and have better futures. Once you connect with someone and understand where they want to go with their life and career, you have set yourself up for success. All people want someone behind them who can help them have a better future than they have today.
Knowing what people want and where they want to go is an incredibly powerful piece of knowledge. If the people you are working for cannot tell you where they want to go, there is a real danger. You should always know where the people you are serving in your profession want to go. If the people you are working for share with you where they want to go, then they are showing you that they want to have a relationship with you and view you as part of their plan. If the person will not share this information with you, then they probably do not want to have a relationship with you. Nothing is more important for your long-term success than understanding this piece of information.
There is a particular sort of scene that I have witnessed in the movies more times than I can count. The scene typically involves a young man and a woman sitting on a car hood in a field, or lying in an open field, looking up at the stars while talking about the future and what they want to do with their lives. The reason I think we see this so often in movies is that when we tell another person what the future looks like to us, we are forming a bond with that person and saying, “Here is what we can have together.” This is quite powerful.
When two people come together and form a vision for how their future should look, they form an incredible bond that cannot be replicated. If two people have this bond and connection, they have a much better relationship and a stronger prospect of a long-term future together than if they do not. It is about trust, progress, truth, and connection.
We need to appeal to the people we work for on an emotional, not just on a practical level. If you do not appeal to people on an emotional level, you are just a commodity and you are no different from anyone else out there. Ultimately, we will never distinguish ourselves and have any level of employment security unless we can make people feel protected, help people maximize their experience and effectiveness in the world, and create some sort of special connection with those around us. If certain people do not share with you where they want to go, it means that they have no interest in having a long-term relationship with you. This is a warning sign, and it often indicates that it is unlikely they are envisioning a future with you.
The man who is involved with prostitutes is generally not going to take a lot of time to get to know the women–their hopes and dreams; nor will he share with them about his own hopes and dreams. In this situation, neither the client nor the service provider is interested in getting to know one another on this level. Both parties are simply commodities to one another. It is only when we make a true connection that we are able to move beyond the world of being commodities.
When you see advertisements for fast cars, for example, it is no mistake that the advertising company will often show a beautiful woman standing next to the car. That is a depiction of where the young men, who purchase such cars, typically want to go. The car is portrayed as something that will take men to this woman. In fact, all good advertising is about nothing more than linking a product or service to where the intended purchaser wants to go. The more effective the advertising is, the more likely it is that consumers will associate a product or service with where they want to go, and will therefore purchase it.
The goal of advertisers should be no different from the goal you have in your relationships, at work, and in your business: To get to where you ultimately want to go. One of the easiest ways to get ahead in any organization is to understand where your supervisors and the company you are working for want to go. You need to understand things like what strengths people have–which they want to see leveraged–what they most fear losing, and what they are most excited about accomplishing.
There are countless attorneys, teachers, mathematicians, doctors, tool and die makers, and other sorts of people who can fill any position. All an employer needs to do is put an advertisement out somewhere and countless people will appear at their doorstep within hours, ready to work. The only way you can differentiate yourself from others in the job market, and in this world, is to (1) make a personal connection with others, and (2) be seen as someone who can help people get where they want to go. Once you are seen as an ally and a confidant, you will move beyond the world of being a commodity.
When you understand where the people you work for want to go, they will form a bond with you and you will suddenly become much more than just your “average hire” who can be replaced easily. Instead, you will become a tool in their arsenal for their success. The worst thing you can do is be seen as a commodity who does not understand your bosses, your clients, and so forth. Instead, you need to be seen as someone who understands and knows where the people with whom you do business want to go.
All success in the business world depends on this understanding. The more and greater your understanding of where the people you work for want to go, the better off you will be. You need to work with people who will let you in and allow you to form this connection with them, in terms of where they want to go. If you do not form this connection, you will just be a commodity. And if the people you are working for do not allow you to form this connection, it is because they see you as a commodity.
How can you make this connection in the real world? You simply need to ask. You need to sit down with the people you work for and say to them that you want to talk about what the future looks like to them, how you can help them get there, and how you can be the most effective in getting them there. This will set you apart from other employees, and it will also tell you if your employer sees you as part of the future of that company.
THE LESSON
When you are a commodity, you can be replaced on a whim and have no value beyond anyone else in the market. Do something that differentiates you from others. When you are unique, you are no longer someone whom employers can easily find on the open market and your value will increase. Establish yourself as irreplaceable due to your unique skills. Understand your employers’ needs and desired direction in order to create value for them.
Read More About Always Try and Accept Invitations to Spend Time Outside of Work With Colleagues:
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Keeping a Job, The Role of Jobs in Today’s World
Tagged: apply for a job, attorney jobs, career advice, commodity connections, job blog | a harrison barnes, job search, legal career, legal profession, manage relationships, successful businessman
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Do not be distracted by your insecurities and doubts, or you will never achieve success because you will not allow it to happen. Focus only on the message about your skills and capabilities. Identify your goals and create a gameplan, and fill your mind with positive and hopeful messages that will drive you towards said goal.
In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
In this article Harrison discusses how people who stand for something always do better than those who do not. Companies who stand for something always do better than companies who do not. The most successful companies not only stand for something, but they are completely consistent with their core principles. This is what keeps them going and this is what makes them successful. One of the largest problems that people have in their careers is when they diverge from what they are good at. When you do not stand for something, you divert from your true strength. Everything begins to crumble and slowly fall apart when you are not doing something that you are really good at. The biggest success comes when you stand for something and are good at it.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
When myriad candidates are applying to limited positions, practicing unusual tactics in your job hunt will prove far more helpful than following the established routine and waiting for positions to come to you. Much like in military strategy, well-planned and unconventional moves can help you conquer your goals without suffering significant losses. You can land an excellent position by focusing on companies’ needs, rather than depending on job and recruiting advertisements.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
You need to provide people what they want, otherwise you will not have a job. Although they might not always be the most desirable kinds of jobs, certain jobs always exist because they provide services that people will always require. The only secret to continual employment is to provide a service that people always need; if you do this, and nothing else, you will always find yourself employed. Give people what they want.
Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
The ability to fit into your work environment is among the most important parts of obtaining and retaining a job, even more so than your skill level. Fitting in means nothing more than being comfortable in one’s work environment, and making others similarly comfortable. Employers want to hire people who will embrace their approach to business and the world on physical and moral levels, so you must strive to fit in with their worldview.
Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
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I totally agree with many points in this article! I too thought that only people in big cities or on TV lived lives like the many you met. I just could never get around the fact that there are people out there who go to prostitutes! He is missing out on so much but is he really missing out? If he never experienced what is like to be in a fulfilling relationship, than he will never know what it is like and therefore not miss it. The problem is, it looks like he thinks of women as disposable objects to be thrown out when done with. I could not imagine seeing other people that way but so many are doing it in more than just this way. Maybe he is incapable of making a connection with a woman because he has to make so many connections with his work that he gets sick of it. Who knows. Some people are just different and I guess we have to accept that!
Too many employers/supervisors treat their people like something stuck to the bottom of their shoe. Human beings have no value, except for what they can contribute to the bottom line.
I have worked for people who are so hung up on their own power, that they do not care whom they crush. I worked for a man who was a former Marine officer, and a Naval Academy graduate. Every day he beat us over the head, with how wonderful he was, and how privileged we were to be working for a man who graduated the Naval Academy. He stressed it was the Naval Acade ME!
Supervisors and Employers do not care whom they screw. The man in the story just made his exploits more public than most.
very insightful article