Featured
View Count: 1983
Several years ago, I was on the island of Kauai in a very small, out-of-the-way restaurant with my wife. We had driven to one of the more remote areas of the island far away from the resort where we were staying.
Seated at a table not too far from us was a group of four or five couples with young children. The children were wearing soccer shoes and the parents all seemed very familiar with one another. As I listened, I could tell that a few of the people at the table had New York accents. Since they were so close to us, we could overhear their conversations and it was clear the people were “local” and had probably moved to Kauai from somewhere else.
When we had finished eating and went up to pay for the bill, I decided to talk to one of the couples sitting at the table. In as indirect a way as possible, I asked them how long they had been living in Kauai. The man told me he had been a teacher in New York City and relocated with his wife a few years ago. Other couples sitting at the table had similar stories about moving to Kauai at some point in the past decade or so.
“It’s the best decision we ever made,” the man said. “This place is paradise. Everyone thought we were crazy but we love it.”
The other couples sitting at the table all nodded in agreement.
I am not sure if most people would be happy living on an isolated, small island in Hawaii. What I do know, though, is:
There are trade-offs for every decision we make. What’s the best life for one person may not fit another’s at all.
Nothing is more important than designing the life you want. For the man I met, living in Kauai represented the life he wanted. For other people, living in a major city might represent this life.
A life on your own terms is more than about where you live geographically, though. A life on your own terms also involves such things as how many hours a day you work, the sort of work you do, the people you spend your free time with, the religion you choose to follow, what you do on the weekends, and more.
One of the most useful exercises you can do is to simply write down what you really like and want in your life. You need to create a life that makes you happy. I believe it is always a good idea to make a column of these things.
I have done an example of one myself here:
Like | Dislike |
Sleeping 8 hours a night | Not sleeping enough |
Reading interesting books | Not reading interesting books |
Exercising | Not exercising |
Living at the beach | Living in a city |
Going out to dinner | Staying home every night |
Reading to my children every night | Being away from home in hotels alone |
Being creative on a daily basis | Following orders and not being creative |
Working cooperatively with people | Fighting with people |
Spending time with interesting people | Spending time with arrogant people |
Working in a bright, sunny office | Working in giant skyscrapers |
Improving weekly | Not improving, staying the same |
You get the idea. I have made lists like this for at least the past fifteen years and I make them at least once a year. By making this list I am able to ensure that I am designing the life that gives me absolutely the most fulfillment possible and is a life designed on my terms.
Please keep in mind, that the life I “dislike” could be the life that someone “likes.” For example, the column I have written for “dislike” describes, to a great extent, what my life was like when I was an attorney. Many people enjoy life as an attorney and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this life—it is just not the life I want.
One thing I have done in my life, for example, is live at the beach. I live in Malibu, California, and love living at the beach. It is really not more expensive to live at the beach than in other areas of Los Angeles—you can find a cheap rental apartment or house. It is a lifestyle choice. I live where I do because I like living in a beach community. I have lived in downtown Los Angeles, New York City, Detroit, and various suburbs and I think it is great where I live now. I live where I do because I made a decision long ago to design a life on my own terms—and not the terms of someone else.
Many people I know commute two or more hours each way to work each day. Some people hate living this sort of life. They dread the drive each day and hate sitting in traffic. Other people love this sort of life. One of my neighbors in Malibu is a doctor and drives two hours to work each day. He loves the drive because it is the only time he gets to listen to classical music uninterrupted. Prior to becoming a doctor, he was a musician and he relishes listening to classical music on a daily basis. He relishes driving a few hours to work each day.
I like to do things like yoga and meditation, riding my ATV, spending Saturday afternoon in bookstores, writing articles like this, and more. There are plenty of people I encounter on an ongoing basis who think my lifestyle is nuts. But it makes me happy. If I listened to other people in terms of how to live my life, I would never be happy. I have designed my own life on my terms.
In fact, just these three things wrong in my life would make me incredibly miserable. I would hate life and everything about it.
Many people spend their lives living on terms they are not happy with. They take jobs they cannot stand. They socialize with people they do not like and enjoy. They live in geographic areas that make them miserable. They spend their lives dreaming about doing something different with their time and energies instead of doing what they want now.
When you like what you are doing and you design your own life, your world changes and everything brightens. The world is a much happier place for you and you have more happiness, skill, and so forth to give to the world. One of the most important possible things you can do is to design your own life—and not have it designed by others.
The key to being happy in your life is designing your life to be on your own terms. It literally does not matter what you do. Your dream could be living in a small town as an auto mechanic, or it could be as a ski instructor at a large resort in Colorado. Whatever you do in your career and life, though, it should always be on your own terms. You need to structure your life in a way that is fulfilling for you and not a vision of what you think you should be—or a vision someone else has created for your life.
The problem with most lives and careers is that people are structuring them based on someone else’s terms—or an idealized vision that they have in their head of the way their lives should be. If you do not choose the life you want for yourself, someone else will choose it for you and it is never going to be the life that you want and will never be as good as the life you can imagine on your own terms.
About the worst thing that can happen to us occurs when we are unable to design our own lives. To punish various crimes, the government typically takes away criminals’ freedom and puts people either in prison or in mental hospitals. Here, the person’s activities and time are tightly controlled and watched over. The person is told when to wake up, when to eat, when to sleep, when to exercise, when to shower, and more.
It is not easy designing your own life.
I am sure you have heard various statistics about people who get out of prison. Most of them end up going back within a short time. The reason for this, I believe, is often that people who get out of prison have not developed the skills to design the life they want. As is true with many people, they are often more comfortable having a life designed and set out for them than they are structuring and creating their own lives.
The greatest gift you have is the fact that you can design your own life in any way you choose—and on your own terms. You are completely in charge of what happens in your life. You set the rules.
Ultimately, what everyone wants is to be happy. To be happy, you need to create a life on your terms.
THE LESSON
To be happy, you must create the life that you want on your own terms. Structure your life in a manner that is fulfilling to you, rather than a vision of what you want to be or a vision that outside influences have created for you. The inability to design your own life is one of the worst tragedies that can befall you. When you design your own life you are in complete charge of your life’s events, and you set the rules any way you choose.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Getting Ahead, How to Succeed
Tagged: apply for a job, attorney jobs, attorney search, career advice, economic advancement, fewer opportunities, job blog | a harrison barnes, job search, legal career, legal profession, possible things, relaxing life living, rental apartment, set the rules
Job Market
recent posts
In this article Harrison talks about releasing the lack that you feel, in order to reach your full potential. If a sense of lack dominates your thinking, it will affect your interaction with the world and how the world sees you. There are many areas of your life where you are coming from a position of lack. Your ability to release this lack and go forward with your life can create a tremendous sense of peace and more natural accomplishments in your world. The amount of lack that people see out there is profound and it has a massive impact on their lives. According to Harrison, the most successful people in the world see the world as a place of opportunity and not lack.
When faced with difficult times, you must develop the ability to transcend the trouble around you instead of giving up or assuming that nothing can be done about your situation. Keep your wits about you and take charge of the situation, and you will find yourself on track for constant improvement and career success.
It is extremely important that you enjoy your job. Most people find themselves in jobs that they resent, and eventually make this resentment known by appearing disinterested and distracted. Success comes from being engaged in and grateful for your work. You can define your job according to your own vision; you can either choose to engage with your work, or avoid and despise what you do. People recognize and appreciate those who are enthusiastic about their work.
Your résumé is an extremely important document. There are entire books written about how to craft them. I have written at least one myself. There are scores of résumé consultants, companies, and others that will work on your résumé for a fee. Hiring one of these services can be useful and can improve your résumé. Nevertheless, most résumés can improve dramatically by following the below advice.
In this article Harrison explains how you can do better in your career by selling. The most successful people are absolute masters at sales. Selling is among the most important career skills you can have. When you know how to sell something you can do exceptionally well wherever you go. Knowing how to sell something is a key to survival, advancement, fame, and fortune. Everything we do is about making a sale. Selling yourself is about showing others the value you can bring them. So package yourself to the best of your ability, always be at your best and sell yourself. Develop your sales skills and do not be afraid to sell anything. Whatever your goal in life, becoming an effective salesman will help you achieve it.
It is absolutely vital to be in control of your life and career. When you fail to control your life, someone else will step in to do so and fit your life into their plans. Understand that it is in others’ interests to establish control over your life and work, and instead exert control yourself over your life and the events around you.
Do not be a dabbler, or someone who turns away in the face of stress; the secret to long-term happiness is to instead confront and push through these stress factors. Do not be discouraged by difficulties, but find ways to persist and deal with the stress. Confronting problems head-on is the key to improvement, and will take you much further than the dabblers who fail to approach their careers with commitment.
In this article Harrison discusses how persistent pursuit of something you believe in, against all obstacles, is one of the most important keys to success. So many of us just decide at some point not to push through and not to keep going even when a little bit of extra effort would push us through. The secret to being incredibly good at everything is pushing through and getting better and better when others around you are quitting. Even while hiring, employers want experts and people who are the best at what they are doing–they do not want dabblers. They want to hire the person who is incredibly committed to a job and has persisted against odds in one direction when others have given up.
In this article Harrison suggests that you actually may be safer getting a job without the help of family or friends. It is exceedingly rare that a friend or family member will ever be able to get you a position. They may not even want to help you get a job for various reasons. Their involvement in your job search may actually hurt you. The organization may actually look upon you negatively if you try to use a friend or family member to get a job. So going through a close contact is often counterproductive to your job search. Even if you get a position through a friend or family member, you could harm your relationship with that person in the process. Your friend or family member’s act of kindness may ultimately unbalance your relationship. The risks involved in this kind of job far outweigh the potential rewards.
A powerful sense of self will make all the difference in your life. You must understand that your sense of yourself and your capabilities come from inside of you, not from the external forces that have brought you to your current place in life. What you feel internally might be completely different from what the world is telling you, and you must learn to focus on the former rather than the latter.
In this article, Harrison explains the importance of making an effort in your job which is way above what is expected of you. When you have been given certain responsibilities, it means that someone is dependent on you for certain things. When you fulfill these duties far more efficiently, put in a lot more time and effort, and even stay back on weekends and holidays to complete or do extra work, your employers get the message that you are sharing their burden of pressures with them and begin to place tremendous trust in you. This is what paves the path to your promotion and growth in the company. Harrison believes that you need to develop the correct attitude and possess an extraordinary work ethic to thrive in the job you do.
In this article Harrison discusses how resisting change and not taking necessary and relevant action can be the biggest obstacles to a better career and better life. Resistance is something that prevents most people from ever changing. Resisting change can be highly damaging to your growth in your career and life. Instead of allowing your life to be controlled by external circumstances, choose to take action and bring about a change. Conduct a brutal self analysis if needed, to clear the blocks you have in your mind and to bring about change that is necessary. Most people give up. They do not persist. You need strategies and beliefs that will allow you to persist and persevere, so that you can change. The best strategy is to be focused, and this focus will help you overcome the resistance you face whenever you make an effort to begin changing.
Adopting a positive attitude will always bring you closer to success, as nobody wants to be associated with a losing side. Everyone wants to associate with and hire winners, and avoids losers. Nothing is more important than maintaining a positive attitude, as many employers hire people based primarily on attitude; with the right attitude, everything else will fall into place. You must look like you are on the winning team, even if times are tough; nobody wants to hire a loser.
The past does not dictate the future, so you should not use inductive reasoning to make conclusions about your life or career. Recognize when you are making incorrect conclusions based on past events, and switch to deductive reasoning in which you are not limited by the past. You will find your conclusions to be much more accurate, and you will succeed as a result.
When I was an attorney, I stopped going out to lunch with other attorneys during the day. The reason was not that I was not hungry. Instead, I stopped going out to lunch because just about everyone I worked with would want to dedicate the lunch to a critique—whether it was critiquing our bosses, coworkers, or others. When these people were not being critiqued, the job itself was being critiqued. When the job was not being critiqued, the attorney’s home life was being critiqued.
In this article Harrison discusses the significance of conditioning yourself to develop behaviors that will elevate you in your life. One of the most difficult things for anyone to do is to get leverage over themselves and condition themselves to go in a new direction. Very few people are ever able to make very fundamental transformations in their lives and become someone completely new and completely improved—and stick with it. Major improvements in our lives come only when we condition ourselves over and over again in one direction. You need to get leverage over yourself and condition new habits and behaviors within yourself to make any sort of fundamental and lasting change. The conditioning needs to be part of your lifestyle. You need to condition yourself to adopt new patterns in your life.
Going after companies on an “explosive growth” trend is among the most interesting and beneficial things you can do in your job search, as many such companies will hire you even if they do not have openings. Similarly, you can get hired in booming industries and geographical areas even if there are no openings, simply by showing up. Apply to growing companies, even if they do not have open positions.
Two fundamental laws of the universe are that order leads to disorder, and disorder leads to order. Since disorder always leads to order, you must always view disorder as a positive rather than a negative; disorder in your life is an opportunity to reorganize your life and career into something better. Making both order and disorder work for you will enhance your chances of success in career and life.
Think about your ultimate purpose in life, and what you are currently doing to accomplish it. Everyone is gifted with unique talents, and a failure to identify and utilize yours would be tragic for your life and career. The greater purpose you identify in your life, the greater the obstacles you will face. If you persevere and push through these hurdles, you will find the rewards to also be correspondingly greater.
Your perceptions of the world determine your reactions, and your reactions in turn determine your destiny. External factors do not dictate your life and destiny so much as your response to them, which is usually dictates by your emotional state. You must challenge yourself to make the best use of disorder in your life, and use it as a basis to develop a superior kind of order.
Be the person you want to be; if you see yourself naturally going in a certain direction, then you must allow yourself to go that way. Be grateful for every little thing in your life, and you will position yourself to receive more good things. You must hold the correct mindset to achieve a successful life and career; “get your mind right”, look at the world differently, and get away from your established ways of doing things.
There are two kinds of people; value creators and value extractors. Your career success will largely depend on your skill at either of these two things. Value extractors prefer an environment where value is already being created, while value creators look for areas of maximum opportunity. While value extractors seek stable careers, value creators seek to build up organizations rather than work within them. You need to decide if you are a value creator or extractor, commit to one or the other, and never look back.
It is important to have high standards. For the most part, life will pay any price you ask of it. The people who achieve the most in the world have incredibly high standards. It is like this with businesses as well. A great piece of machinery, or a great service, is like this because of the standards that are followed.
Rely on facts and statistics rather than opinions; when you depend on mere opinions, you inevitably face disastrous consequences. You must understand the difference between facts and opinions, analyze both, and adopt the former while disregarding the latter to make productive decisions.
Your skills and abilities merit profound appreciation; you must therefore place yourself in an environment where you will be so appreciated, and not subject to the negative opinions of others. People tend to believe the negative information that they hear about themselves. A work situation where you are unappreciated will tax your two greatest assets, your self-worth and your sanity.
Salesmanship is one of the most important skills you can have in your job hunt. You can use personality as a means of standing out and selling yourself, making sure that it comes through in everything you are doing. By injecting personality into your job search, you will soon notice changes in your life and career. People with personality succeed in sales because they draw attention; employers want to hire people with personalities, and a good personality can be your best job hunting tool.
In this article Harrison explains why the ability to close a sale is the most important skill in selling. Many people may get consumers interested in their products and lead them to the edge of making the sale, but it is the final push where the customer makes the actual purchasing decision which is the most important. Similarly it is good to be able to secure an interview, but what actually counts is the ability to push the employer to make the final hiring decision. There are a million possible closing techniques ranging from using the power of money and the power of issuing a deadline to identifying with a particular cause that could be important to the employer. All you need to do is tap into your instinctual ability and push employers that extra bit to ensure you get the job.
Related Posts:
Harrison Barnes:
Getting Ahead:
The Role of Jobs in Today's World:
Career Advice:
© 2025 Harrisonbarnes All Rights Reserved
Speak Your Mind
Tell us what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!
You must be logged in to post a comment.