Getting Ahead
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Not too long ago, a man moved to my Malibu neighborhood from New York and suddenly became very popular. He held himself out as someone who was in “private equity”, leased a home for $40,000 a month and started going around touring various properties that were for sale for $30,000,000+ and acting extremely wealthy. He drove around my neighborhood in a series of different Ferraris at all times of the day and did not seem to work.
He made friends with many of the most important people in the community and started associating with movies stars and others. Everyone liked him a great deal. He regularly went out for dinners where he ordered $1,000 bottles of wine and mesmerized people with his conspicuous consumption. He got on the guest list of the best clubs in town and spent $10,000 or more on “bottle service” at these clubs. He also allegedly owned hundreds of thousands of dollars in watches.
In addition, his wife had things like $30,000 Hermes purses and an extremely expensive wardrobe and jewelry. She was probably adorned with $100,000+ in clothes, jewels and a purse every time she left the house. Women I knew started looking up to her and considered her to be a real social presence.
I went out to dinner with the guy one night and concluded he might be a gangster.
He told me he was in private equity. When I started mentioning various terms and major firms in this field, he did not seem to know what I was talking about. During dinner, he seemed overly concerned with other people, pecking orders, who owned what house, had a given title, owned a given business, how much money one person had compared to another, and who had a lesser model of a car than another person. He was obsessed with what other people were doing, and I found it off-putting because I knew he was most certainly going to do the same thing with me. It also made me uncomfortable: Was the only thing that matters the various “surface” achievements of others? Who cared if someone was rich and another not?
“What kind of watch are you wearing?” he asked me.
I showed him my $800 watch I had bought a decade ago—one of my more expensive jewelry purchases of all time. He shrugged, “oh.”
When I asked him what type of watch he was wearing, it turned into a 10-minute conversation about his $75,000 gold Patek Philippe watch that he had flown to another city to buy used from a dealer and its various functions – one of which was following the moon (a good feature I guess). He then spoke about several other watches he owned, but I do not remember all the details.
A few weeks after our dinner, the man started calling me on the phone asking me for legal advice since he knew I was an attorney. He asked questions related to buying the rights to films (with “no money down”) and going after various businesses for frivolous claims. I very quickly realized that most of his legal objectives were negative in nature and did not want to be involved. I was also very curious how he was affording all of these cars, real estate, fancy dinners and clothing.
At some point, he started talking to me about his expertise in the stock market and how he could watch various financial news shows, read peoples’ body language and suddenly have an understanding of which way a stock—or the financial markets were moving. I found his analysis fascinating, and it was hypnotic. He talked about how he had made millions of dollars with this sort of insight and timing the market, and he could help me too. I did not believe him—but it was very clear to me how someone without a lot of financial experience could believe him. “How else do people on Wall Street make hundreds of millions of dollars?” the typical person might think to themselves. “It must involve these sorts of secrets, and now I have access to them too! I need to invest now!”
I have a small law firm and, eventually after hours of speaking with him, told him I was not interested in helping him because I did not think anything he was doing had any merit. Once I told him that, he called a few more times telling me I would “get a piece of the action” after I had shaken down people for money, or done various deals with him. I still told him I was not interested and eventually the calls stopped.
I have seen this go on a few times over the past several years: Con men who move in my area and carry out a pattern of making friends with people, stealing from them and then folding up and going to prison. For the life of me, I cannot understand it. These are generally likeable people: Why do they feel the need to hurt people and cause destruction?
I have seen this with law firms as well. One of my friends went to work for a law firm called Dreier, LLP that one man, Marc Dreier, built by running a Ponzi scheme. For whatever reason, he wanted to build a large law firm with a huge client list and committed crimes to gather the money to pay the lawyers to help him do it. He stole hundreds of millions of dollars to do this and got caught. The law firm closed, and he was sentenced to 20 years in federal prison.
None of these things make people happy. The only thing that makes you happy is the meaning you give to whatever is happening to you in your life. Your beliefs and values are what shape your life. Your mind is like a filter and gives meaning to everything.
Many depressed and unhappy people have everything to be happy about and yet are still unhappy. They give a negative meaning to everything around them that is happening – despite the fact that there are plenty of things around them to be happy about. Whatever happens to these people, regardless of what it is, will make them unhappy. They are seeing things through negative filters, and these filters are creating negative lives for them.
One of the biggest mistakes that people make is comparing themselves to others and basing their self-worth on how they measure up compared to others: This never ending process is sure to end in unhappiness and disappointment. There are always going to be people who are better than you at something.
Some of the unhappiest people in the world – in my opinion—are those people who have the most wealth and are very successful people. Some places I have encountered with an extremely high proportion of unhappy and depressed people are New York City and Aspen, Colorado. These are places with a stunning number of extremely successful people. Nevertheless, many of these same people look around them, and all they see are people who are far, far better than them:
They live in a world where they are constantly comparing themselves to others and seeing themselves as “less than” and coming up short. In contrast, if these people did not judge themselves based on others’ standards – or against people who were better than them—they would most likely be far happier. Their filters see others and feel inferior. Whereas in some environments they would be big fish in a small pond, they have become average fish in a large pond and base their self-worth on this.
When I think of people like the crooks in my neighborhood, or Dreier, the only thing I can think of is that they must feel a tremendous drive that makes them feel incredibly inadequate without a huge house, law firm, or great wealth (or nice watch or a Ferrari).
Some part of them has decided to filter the world in such a way that the only way they can be happy is by achieving something at all costs—even if it means losing their freedom. They must feel tremendously unhappy inside to feel this way. They must feel that they are someone inferior and not worth anything without reaching some level of success. They must believe that when they reach a certain level they will be happy.
Where do people get messages like this?
I am all for achievement—and high achievement at that! But more important than achievement is happiness. If you are not happy, then this is a huge problem. Your drive for success should never be so great that the only way you feel you can succeed is by doing something wrong. You are never going to fill your emptiness inside by getting somewhere. Your power needs to come from within, and you need to choose filters that allow you to be happy despite what others are up to.
The happiness these people experience is all related to the meaning they are giving everything around them.
See the following articles for more information:
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
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In this article Harrison discusses the role of self-motivation and self management. Self-motivated and self managed people always perform well. In contrast people who are forced to follow massive amounts of procedures and rules can never perform. It is important that our rituals and sense of responsibility is internal, and something we learn to do naturally–not something we only do when it is imposed on us by people on the outside. The best people in every job are self- managed and responsible individuals. Also, the more self-managed people there are working for an organization, the stronger the organization generally is. Instead of creating problems in the workplace, you should seek out responsibilities, and ritualize your work routine. These responsibilities will drive you forward in your daily work, in your career, and in your life.
Your must always strive to create value for your organization, and your organization must in turn strive to add value to the world. Since value comes from teams of individuals rather than any single person, the best companies strive to maximize their staffs’ efficiency. You must also ensure that your company weeds out the employees who do not create value in favor of those who do, and that you belong to the latter group.
When you try to mask or suppress aspects of your personality, those traits will inevitably come to the fore anyway. You need to develop a comprehensive understanding of yourself, including your darker or deeply buried traits; once you know how your dark side limits and controls you, the better you will do in your life and career. Self-discovery will ultimately lead to inner peace, which in turn will enable you to more fully develop your goals.
The number one thing that makes people fail and not reach their potential is competition. If get into an area where there is not much competition and you genuinely have something to offer, you will succeed. Everyone is successful to the extent they are doing something others around them are not that provides value.
Creating a sense of urgency is one of the most important things you can do in your job search. Understand that your career is itself a commodity and you need to sell yourself, and your salesmanship will determine your career success. Creating a sense of urgency will always help you close your sale.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
Adopting a positive attitude will always bring you closer to success, as nobody wants to be associated with a losing side. Everyone wants to associate with and hire winners, and avoids losers. Nothing is more important than maintaining a positive attitude, as many employers hire people based primarily on attitude; with the right attitude, everything else will fall into place. You must look like you are on the winning team, even if times are tough; nobody wants to hire a loser.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
It is absolutely vital to be in control of your life and career. When you fail to control your life, someone else will step in to do so and fit your life into their plans. Understand that it is in others’ interests to establish control over your life and work, and instead exert control yourself over your life and the events around you.
In this article Harrison explains how you can do better in your career by selling. The most successful people are absolute masters at sales. Selling is among the most important career skills you can have. When you know how to sell something you can do exceptionally well wherever you go. Knowing how to sell something is a key to survival, advancement, fame, and fortune. Everything we do is about making a sale. Selling yourself is about showing others the value you can bring them. So package yourself to the best of your ability, always be at your best and sell yourself. Develop your sales skills and do not be afraid to sell anything. Whatever your goal in life, becoming an effective salesman will help you achieve it.
Your résumé is an extremely important document. There are entire books written about how to craft them. I have written at least one myself. There are scores of résumé consultants, companies, and others that will work on your résumé for a fee. Hiring one of these services can be useful and can improve your résumé. Nevertheless, most résumés can improve dramatically by following the below advice.
It is extremely important that you enjoy your job. Most people find themselves in jobs that they resent, and eventually make this resentment known by appearing disinterested and distracted. Success comes from being engaged in and grateful for your work. You can define your job according to your own vision; you can either choose to engage with your work, or avoid and despise what you do. People recognize and appreciate those who are enthusiastic about their work.
Do not be a dabbler, or someone who turns away in the face of stress; the secret to long-term happiness is to instead confront and push through these stress factors. Do not be discouraged by difficulties, but find ways to persist and deal with the stress. Confronting problems head-on is the key to improvement, and will take you much further than the dabblers who fail to approach their careers with commitment.
When faced with difficult times, you must develop the ability to transcend the trouble around you instead of giving up or assuming that nothing can be done about your situation. Keep your wits about you and take charge of the situation, and you will find yourself on track for constant improvement and career success.
In this article Harrison talks about releasing the lack that you feel, in order to reach your full potential. If a sense of lack dominates your thinking, it will affect your interaction with the world and how the world sees you. There are many areas of your life where you are coming from a position of lack. Your ability to release this lack and go forward with your life can create a tremendous sense of peace and more natural accomplishments in your world. The amount of lack that people see out there is profound and it has a massive impact on their lives. According to Harrison, the most successful people in the world see the world as a place of opportunity and not lack.
Determine whether you are a global or specific person. Most people are either too general or too specific in the way they treat information, and overly detail-oriented people risk losing sight of the bigger picture. General people are more comfortable in managerial positions, while detail-oriented people prefer everything to conform to a logical sequence. Understand which sort of person you are, and seek work that best harnesses your natural inclination.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
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Could not agree more. My wife gave me the best advise I ever received: I don’t care how little money you bring as long as it is honest money. I don’t want even 1/10th of a penny if its dirty.