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A few years ago I made friends with a guy I met at a self-improvement seminar. It was his second time attending the seminar; apparently he had gotten incredible results the first time around.
According to this man, he had lost fifty pounds, had given up drinking and drugs, was cured of his ADD, stopped working fourteen hours a day every day of the week, started exercising daily, dramatically improved his marriage and family life, and started a successful new career–all after attending the seminar. He credited this massive and profound life turnaround to going to the seminar. In fact, he had gone from a relatively depressed and financially non-notable life before attending the seminar, to a new life making more than $2 million a year, working only a few days a week. He had even turned somewhat religious and started playing the guitar for children at services once a week.
As I learned, the big take-away this man had gotten from the seminar was that it had enabled him to make such a significant life shift. I was pretty amazed. In all honesty, to me the seminar we attended had not been that special. It was all about getting in touch with your feelings; however, it was certainly not the sort of thing that would have led me to make massive changes in my life.
I was intrigued by all of this because this guy was not anything like the person he described himself to have been before he attended his first seminar. It was hard to imagine. For example, the friend I knew was on a calorie-restricted diet and generally seemed to be a happy person in all respects. He seemed very well balanced. Since he was so successful, I was interested in learning his success secrets so that I could share them with other people.
“What has made you so happy and successful? What was it you got out of the seminar that made everything change for you?” I asked him one evening.
We were in New York in the basement of the Time Warner Building, in a small Whole Foods shop that sold gifts made from hemp. It was a Thursday evening and my friend was chatting with the cashier in the store while he looked for presents for his kids. Everywhere this guy went, people seemed to pick up his happy energy and return his smile. We might be walking through a hotel and he would stop and start chatting with a complete stranger about this or that. He was always chatting with strangers in hotels and different places. People just gravitated toward this guy, and he was genuinely happy to see just about anyone.
“The only thing I do differently now that I did not do before when I was so unhappy is make sure I associate with positive people. That’s it. Just associate with positive people.”
At the time I did not think much of it, but I have come to realize more and more that associating with positive people is among the most important things we can do in our lives. As long as you share the energy of positive actions and thoughts, and surround yourself with people who have a positive energy, there are few limits to what you can accomplish in your life. Your attitude–how you feel about your life–is among the most important concepts governing your existence on this earth. The more positive your attitude is, the better off you will be in your career and in your life.
When you surround yourself with people who are happy, driven, and well balanced, you too are more likely to become happy, driven, and well balanced. In addition, these people will not drain energy from you and you will feel better when you are around them.
I remember the time when I had my first legal job and was working over the summer for the U.S. Department of Justice in Washington, DC. I was enjoying the job a great deal and having a wonderful summer. I had friends in Washington, DC, at the time and my friends were all pretty positive and nice people who were excited about the future. I had been working there a few weeks when one day I decided to make a telephone call to a friend in another city. I had this acquaintance who was always very down and complaining about one thing or another. The person would use drugs often and always seemed to be going through one personal crisis or another. I never realized how toxic this person was; however, when I called home everything hit me:
I could go into further detail but, it should suffice to say, I had not realized how negative this person was, or made me feel, until I put down the phone. When I put down the phone, all the enthusiasm I had for my work–as good as I felt about myself, my job, and everything else in the world that I was excited about–seemed to suddenly fade into the background. I felt a deep sense of lack and sadness in my soul. It was a feeling I will never forget because it was like running into a brick wall. It took me hours to overcome it and to feel better about myself. The entire experience was depressing in a monumental way.
The reason this experience was so depressing, I think, was that it contrasted with how I had been feeling at the present time and over the previous few weeks. I had been away from this person for some time and had never realized before how negatively he had been affecting me day-to-day. My conversation with the person was really no different from the conversations I had with him in the past–it was only the contrast that made it so glaringly different this time. A short time later I decided that it was not in my best interest to remain friends with this person, and I am sure I was better off for it.
I am sure you have had similar experiences as well:
Moods are contagious and they can often instantly affect us in a positive or a negative way.
When I was in my first year of high school, I was a competitive tennis player. I would play tennis against pros and other very good players. While I was nowhere near as good a tennis player as a professional, I would always make for a challenging match against my opponent, and we would have long volleys and somewhat competitive games. I always felt I was playing much better tennis when I played with the best players than when I would play against average or poor players. When I played against average or poor players I would find myself moving more slowly, hitting more balls out of bounds, missing more serves, and not having as much fun. The poor players I played against often destabilized my game. I would hit ridiculous and stupid shots where the ball would fly from the tennis court into the road and hit cars, for example. It was embarrassing.
The company you keep can either make you rise or bring you down. One of my favorite quotes is from John Steinbeck, who wrote: “A sad soul can kill you far quicker than a germ.”
Do you associate with people who improve your game? Or do you surround yourself with people who destabilize your career and life?
Whom you call your friends and acquaintances tells a lot about who you are. In order to be happy and successful, it is important to surround yourself with other people who are happy and successful. You need to be very careful in terms of whom you let into your sphere of influence. Positive energy spreads quickly–just as negative energy does.
One of the greatest characteristics I have found in the best legal recruiters I have worked with is the ability to be continually positive. Over the years I have hired and worked with a large number of legal recruiters in our company, and one of my greatest concerns has always been making sure I have positive people working for us. I would rather have 10 positive recruiters working in our company than 100 negative recruiters–even if the total financial cost were the same. Negative people infect others and bring an entire group down.
One of my favorite movies is 300, which is about a group of 300 Spartans who fight against thousands of Persians. The Spartans have an incredible positive spirit that empowers them to do well. It is a great movie because it shows what a small group with the right mind-set can do against a much larger force. I believe the Spartans’ strength in the film comes from their ability to remain positive.
Have you ever attended a meeting in which there is someone throwing out a long diatribe of doubts and fears about this or that? People like this typically drag down the whole group and make things extremely difficult for everyone. It is hard for groups of people to get motivated when there is even one extremely negative person in their midst.
Your life is valuable and your time is as well. It is challenging enough to remain positive and continually enjoy our lives, while feeling good about ourselves. The last thing you need in your career is to deal with another person’s constant negativity.
Your career and life will change for the better when you learn to surround yourself with positive people–and keep the negative ones away.
Read More About If You Spend Time With Negative People, Your Organization Will Assume that You too Have a Negative Attitude and it Will Hurt You:
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Life Lessons, Staying Positive
Tagged: career advice, career advice | a harrison barnes, how to find a job, job market, job search, job seeker, legal recruiter, new job opportunities, positive attitude, positive energy, positive people, potential employer
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Your résumé is an extremely important document. There are entire books written about how to craft them. I have written at least one myself. There are scores of résumé consultants, companies, and others that will work on your résumé for a fee. Hiring one of these services can be useful and can improve your résumé. Nevertheless, most résumés can improve dramatically by following the below advice.
In this article Harrison explains how you can do better in your career by selling. The most successful people are absolute masters at sales. Selling is among the most important career skills you can have. When you know how to sell something you can do exceptionally well wherever you go. Knowing how to sell something is a key to survival, advancement, fame, and fortune. Everything we do is about making a sale. Selling yourself is about showing others the value you can bring them. So package yourself to the best of your ability, always be at your best and sell yourself. Develop your sales skills and do not be afraid to sell anything. Whatever your goal in life, becoming an effective salesman will help you achieve it.
It is absolutely vital to be in control of your life and career. When you fail to control your life, someone else will step in to do so and fit your life into their plans. Understand that it is in others’ interests to establish control over your life and work, and instead exert control yourself over your life and the events around you.
Do not be a dabbler, or someone who turns away in the face of stress; the secret to long-term happiness is to instead confront and push through these stress factors. Do not be discouraged by difficulties, but find ways to persist and deal with the stress. Confronting problems head-on is the key to improvement, and will take you much further than the dabblers who fail to approach their careers with commitment.
In this article Harrison discusses how persistent pursuit of something you believe in, against all obstacles, is one of the most important keys to success. So many of us just decide at some point not to push through and not to keep going even when a little bit of extra effort would push us through. The secret to being incredibly good at everything is pushing through and getting better and better when others around you are quitting. Even while hiring, employers want experts and people who are the best at what they are doing–they do not want dabblers. They want to hire the person who is incredibly committed to a job and has persisted against odds in one direction when others have given up.
In this article Harrison suggests that you actually may be safer getting a job without the help of family or friends. It is exceedingly rare that a friend or family member will ever be able to get you a position. They may not even want to help you get a job for various reasons. Their involvement in your job search may actually hurt you. The organization may actually look upon you negatively if you try to use a friend or family member to get a job. So going through a close contact is often counterproductive to your job search. Even if you get a position through a friend or family member, you could harm your relationship with that person in the process. Your friend or family member’s act of kindness may ultimately unbalance your relationship. The risks involved in this kind of job far outweigh the potential rewards.
A powerful sense of self will make all the difference in your life. You must understand that your sense of yourself and your capabilities come from inside of you, not from the external forces that have brought you to your current place in life. What you feel internally might be completely different from what the world is telling you, and you must learn to focus on the former rather than the latter.
In this article, Harrison explains the importance of making an effort in your job which is way above what is expected of you. When you have been given certain responsibilities, it means that someone is dependent on you for certain things. When you fulfill these duties far more efficiently, put in a lot more time and effort, and even stay back on weekends and holidays to complete or do extra work, your employers get the message that you are sharing their burden of pressures with them and begin to place tremendous trust in you. This is what paves the path to your promotion and growth in the company. Harrison believes that you need to develop the correct attitude and possess an extraordinary work ethic to thrive in the job you do.
In this article Harrison discusses how resisting change and not taking necessary and relevant action can be the biggest obstacles to a better career and better life. Resistance is something that prevents most people from ever changing. Resisting change can be highly damaging to your growth in your career and life. Instead of allowing your life to be controlled by external circumstances, choose to take action and bring about a change. Conduct a brutal self analysis if needed, to clear the blocks you have in your mind and to bring about change that is necessary. Most people give up. They do not persist. You need strategies and beliefs that will allow you to persist and persevere, so that you can change. The best strategy is to be focused, and this focus will help you overcome the resistance you face whenever you make an effort to begin changing.
Adopting a positive attitude will always bring you closer to success, as nobody wants to be associated with a losing side. Everyone wants to associate with and hire winners, and avoids losers. Nothing is more important than maintaining a positive attitude, as many employers hire people based primarily on attitude; with the right attitude, everything else will fall into place. You must look like you are on the winning team, even if times are tough; nobody wants to hire a loser.
The past does not dictate the future, so you should not use inductive reasoning to make conclusions about your life or career. Recognize when you are making incorrect conclusions based on past events, and switch to deductive reasoning in which you are not limited by the past. You will find your conclusions to be much more accurate, and you will succeed as a result.
When I was an attorney, I stopped going out to lunch with other attorneys during the day. The reason was not that I was not hungry. Instead, I stopped going out to lunch because just about everyone I worked with would want to dedicate the lunch to a critique—whether it was critiquing our bosses, coworkers, or others. When these people were not being critiqued, the job itself was being critiqued. When the job was not being critiqued, the attorney’s home life was being critiqued.
In this article Harrison discusses the significance of conditioning yourself to develop behaviors that will elevate you in your life. One of the most difficult things for anyone to do is to get leverage over themselves and condition themselves to go in a new direction. Very few people are ever able to make very fundamental transformations in their lives and become someone completely new and completely improved—and stick with it. Major improvements in our lives come only when we condition ourselves over and over again in one direction. You need to get leverage over yourself and condition new habits and behaviors within yourself to make any sort of fundamental and lasting change. The conditioning needs to be part of your lifestyle. You need to condition yourself to adopt new patterns in your life.
Going after companies on an “explosive growth” trend is among the most interesting and beneficial things you can do in your job search, as many such companies will hire you even if they do not have openings. Similarly, you can get hired in booming industries and geographical areas even if there are no openings, simply by showing up. Apply to growing companies, even if they do not have open positions.
Two fundamental laws of the universe are that order leads to disorder, and disorder leads to order. Since disorder always leads to order, you must always view disorder as a positive rather than a negative; disorder in your life is an opportunity to reorganize your life and career into something better. Making both order and disorder work for you will enhance your chances of success in career and life.
Think about your ultimate purpose in life, and what you are currently doing to accomplish it. Everyone is gifted with unique talents, and a failure to identify and utilize yours would be tragic for your life and career. The greater purpose you identify in your life, the greater the obstacles you will face. If you persevere and push through these hurdles, you will find the rewards to also be correspondingly greater.
Your perceptions of the world determine your reactions, and your reactions in turn determine your destiny. External factors do not dictate your life and destiny so much as your response to them, which is usually dictates by your emotional state. You must challenge yourself to make the best use of disorder in your life, and use it as a basis to develop a superior kind of order.
Be the person you want to be; if you see yourself naturally going in a certain direction, then you must allow yourself to go that way. Be grateful for every little thing in your life, and you will position yourself to receive more good things. You must hold the correct mindset to achieve a successful life and career; “get your mind right”, look at the world differently, and get away from your established ways of doing things.
There are two kinds of people; value creators and value extractors. Your career success will largely depend on your skill at either of these two things. Value extractors prefer an environment where value is already being created, while value creators look for areas of maximum opportunity. While value extractors seek stable careers, value creators seek to build up organizations rather than work within them. You need to decide if you are a value creator or extractor, commit to one or the other, and never look back.
It is important to have high standards. For the most part, life will pay any price you ask of it. The people who achieve the most in the world have incredibly high standards. It is like this with businesses as well. A great piece of machinery, or a great service, is like this because of the standards that are followed.
Rely on facts and statistics rather than opinions; when you depend on mere opinions, you inevitably face disastrous consequences. You must understand the difference between facts and opinions, analyze both, and adopt the former while disregarding the latter to make productive decisions.
Your skills and abilities merit profound appreciation; you must therefore place yourself in an environment where you will be so appreciated, and not subject to the negative opinions of others. People tend to believe the negative information that they hear about themselves. A work situation where you are unappreciated will tax your two greatest assets, your self-worth and your sanity.
Salesmanship is one of the most important skills you can have in your job hunt. You can use personality as a means of standing out and selling yourself, making sure that it comes through in everything you are doing. By injecting personality into your job search, you will soon notice changes in your life and career. People with personality succeed in sales because they draw attention; employers want to hire people with personalities, and a good personality can be your best job hunting tool.
In this article Harrison explains why the ability to close a sale is the most important skill in selling. Many people may get consumers interested in their products and lead them to the edge of making the sale, but it is the final push where the customer makes the actual purchasing decision which is the most important. Similarly it is good to be able to secure an interview, but what actually counts is the ability to push the employer to make the final hiring decision. There are a million possible closing techniques ranging from using the power of money and the power of issuing a deadline to identifying with a particular cause that could be important to the employer. All you need to do is tap into your instinctual ability and push employers that extra bit to ensure you get the job.
It is very important that you always ask questions in an interview when given the opportunity. Here are some good questions to ask and why you should ask them.
People who fail to reach their career goals are too complacent, rely too much on the opinions of others, allow difficulties to progress into ruin, and associate success with negative things. You have to establish success as a firm “must” in your life, associate your success with positive things, develop a workable strategy for success, and follow through with your plans. Never be a dabbler or give up in the face of adversity.
In this article Harrison explains the need to accept yourself the way you are. Harrison believes that most of us are not confident that we are good enough, or capable enough. Because of this hole within ourselves, we allow others to help us when we do not need help, fail to consistently feel content with our lives and accomplishments, and neglect to feel satisfied with who we are. We always feel a sense of lack. The most important thing you can ever do for yourself is overcome this sense of lack. Believe in yourself and your worth: you can accomplish all those things about which others would have you believe differently.
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The above said is the important thing in the life to be a successful man in the world, it creates confidence to make lot things in mind and so it may be the best idea to achieve a lot.
Hey , thanks for sending me your blog, it made me smile and realize some of the things my mama told me growing up really do work. I have always been of the mind set to surround yourself with positive people and people who knew more than you. It made me a stronger, intelligent and not afraid to take risks.
I like your article so much it’s very enlightening ..that is so true we attract good things if we are surrounded by good company so to get ahead of life we must choose the company we should keep
I totally agree with your article, very well written. These days, when everything seems to go down it’s important to have positive people around you to cheer you up and give you the energy you need to move on.
Thanks! You are sooooo right. I enjoyed your article.
I’m not a fair-weathered friend. Everyone in life has problems. If you are only friends with perfect people, you would have no friends. However, I do avoid jealous, bitter or enraged people who deliberately hurt others in a direct or even subtle manner. If that’s what is meant by negative people, I agree. However, if a true friend is going through problems, it is my job to help my friend overcome any problems. I don’t dump my friends who are less successful. That’s elitist. Someone dumped me because she thought she was better than me and ran off with shallow friends I introduced her to. I later married and made better friends. Now she is stuck without any friends and unmarried with a boyfriend who will never commit to her.
Economics doesnt quite work the way some are implying here.
Fell out of bed feeling down. This has brieghtned my day!
Great article, great advice ~ if the company you keep is bringing you down, remove negativity and those who pull you down with it!
I’m a firm believer that feelings are contagious. I’ve been suffering fr4om depression for years and i’ve seen that when i’m around others that have a positive outlook on life and smile and are friendly it tends to make me feel alot better . And when i focuss my attention on a good positive book or log in to a website with positive material it tends to make me feel alot beeter as well .I hope i can be a positive influence on someone as myself in the future
Well said Harrison! I facilitate a course called Adventures in Attitudes, which has been around for over fifty years, with over 4 million attendees. Everything you stated in your article is 100% true. In fact, I now limit my “News” intake to maintain positivity. Attendees at the workshop discover just how much they have been affected by bad news and negativity, and resolve to change what they take in on a daily basis. So while we can’t always avoid negative people and news, we can maintain our vigilance once we are aware of the effect it can have on us. Thank you for making people aware!
The said massage is excellent to understand the positive and negative energy in humang being. We are surrounded by by both energies in our life . We menifest in our life mix performance . If we are achieving something it is happens due o positive power wothin ourself. When we loose somethin means negative power is being menifested as a result.
Prashant Singh
The power of positive thinking and influence can never be over emphasized. Think “positive” and “positive” will come to you or think “negative” and “negative” will come to you seem to be 2 extremes of choices that life offers to mankind. The way we think and feel often times affects and shapes the who we become and in this regard, I personally try to think, stay and associate with positive people and I may not mention that is works or not but it just feels better for me.
This is so true. Keep surrounding yourself with those who are happy and you cannot be anything but happy.
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