Featured
View Count: 3938
In your life, have you ever been around people who set either extremely high or extremely low expectations for you? It’s important that you surround yourself with people who believe in you and what you can achieve. It is equally important that you distance yourself from people who believe, for whatever reason, you are not capable of achieving much.
In your career and personal life, you are going to be around both sets of people: people who believe in you and those who don’t. What’s so striking is just how much harm the people who don’t believe in you can do and how much good the people who do believe in you can do. I would like you to think back on your life and the people who have believed in you and what you could accomplish. What did this do for your self esteem? How did this make you feel?
I know when people have believed in me and what I’m capable of, it has made all the difference. I notice they treat me differently and that I’m more eager to show them what I’m capable of. The opposite is also true. People who haven’t believed in me have really brought me down. It’s very difficult to deal with people who don’t believe in you and what you can accomplish.
When I was in high school, I was always exceptional at English related classes and then didn’t do as good in classes that involved math. Eventually, when I got to college, I think I did better in math related classes than when I was in high school. When I was younger, I took an IQ test of some sort and did very, very well on the verbal part of the exam. I did so well, in fact, that every year my new teachers would make remarks like “according to your test scores, you are not living up to your potential,” even if I got an A- in an English related sort of class. However, year after year I would get “Cs” and “B-‘s” in all of my math-related classes.
One day, in front of an English class I was in, the teacher handed me back a test and it was an “A-.” I was attending a public school in ninth grade called Grosse Pointe South High School and was only attending for the first few months of the school year before moving to Thailand with my family. I wasn’t taking school all that seriously and really goofing off. Prior to handing out the test the teacher had written the the grades up on a blackboard without people’s names so the class could see the distribution of the grades.
“You ought to do much better. You’ve got a lot more talent than this,” the teacher said as she handed me back the test.
“I got the highest grade in the class!” I told her. “What are you talking about?”
“Yeah, but I’ve seen your aptitude scores for English and they are some of the best I’ve ever seen. You ought to get all A’s and never “A-‘s.”
The reality was when I took the SATs, I ended up doing much better on math than the verbal. However, due to some aptitude test I took when I was younger, my teachers seemed to think I was some sort of verbal genius. I may have been lucky when I took this verbal related test when younger—who knows. What I do know is I heard about it on several occasions from teachers and I would estimate that it ended up influencing the way I was perceived all throughout middle school and high school.
I think it also influenced the way I perceived myself.
George Bernard Shaw’s play, “Pygmalion” tells the story of Henry Higgens, a professor of phonetics, who makes a bet with his friend Colonel Pickering that he can teach a poor flower girl, Eliza Doolittle, from a lower class background to speak and act like the an upper-class lady. In the process of the training, Higgens and Doolittle become close but she ends up rejecting him and decides to marry Freddy Eyrnsford-Hill, a man who is poor but a gentleman.
“Pygmalion” is loosely based upon Greek mythology. In Ovid’s “Metamorphoses,” Pygmalion is a sculptor who falls in love with a statue he made. He offers the statue presents and eventually prays to Venus (Aphrodite) and she brings the statue to life. Pygmalion marries the statue and they end up having a son.
The idea behind the Pygmalion effect is that people will internalize the expectations of their superiors and, in this respect, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The idea is that students with poor expectations internalize their negative labels and those with positive labels succeed. This is something that was extensively studied in what is known as the Rosenthal-Jacobson study (the “Study”). The study is described in the book “Pygmalion in the Classroom: Teacher Expectation and Pupils’ Intellectual Development” (1968; expanded edition 1992).
In the Study, teachers at a school were told that the IQ of their students had been measured and one set of their fifth grade class would develop much faster than the other. However, the students were actually randomly selected and there was no truth to what the teachers were being told. The purpose of the test was to support the idea that reality can be influenced by what others expect. The hypothesis of the study was that when someone approached something with a bias, they will create what is essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy as a result.
Without going into too many specifics, the Study showed that when teachers expect students will do well and grow intellectually, they do. When teachers believe students are unintelligent and won’t do well, they do not. In the Study, at the end of the year the students that had teachers that were led to believe would do well, showed significantly greater intellectual growth than the control group. The degree of difference that was found was significant at the end of the year:
First graders in the control group showed a gain of twelve IQ points and students in the experimental group showed a gain of 27.4 points. Overall, in grades first through six, the experimental group showed a 12.22 point gain compared to a 8.42 point gain for the control group.
The main idea of the Pygmalion effect is that if you believe someone will achieve this or that, then they are more likely to. Through the Pygmalion Effect, teachers can create better students just by believing in them. For example, if a teacher that has no previous experience with a student is told that he’s brilliant and very intelligent, the new teacher will likely be more supportive, teach the student more challenging material, be more patient with the student, and give the student more feedback. Consequently, the student will likely learn more. The student’s true level of intelligence doesn’t matter as much as whether or not the teacher believes the student is bright or not.
What does this have to do with your career and your life?
First, the lesson is that the beliefs others hold about you often have a lot to do with what’s going to end up happening to you. If someone believes you’re capable of something, then you’re more likely to end up being able to achieve it. This is just how it works.
If people are saying good things about you and holding high expectations for you, then you’re likely to end up much better than people who feel the opposite. Have you ever had a job or been in a relationship where the employer or person you are in the relationship with thought you could do nothing right? I certainly have. It was no fun at all. It didn’t make me feel good about myself. I was depressed and had very low expectations for what I could achieve. When I look back at my life, I can see that some of the worst times I’ve ever had were when I was in jobs or in relationships with people who didn’t like me or have faith in what I could accomplish.
I want to be clear that a lot of problems you may have had in your life may not have everything or much at all to do with you. Instead, these problems have a lot to do with the people around you. I know this may not be something that makes you completely accountable for your actions, but this is true. Some of the people who may have “done a number on you” include:
You may have been segmented and put into certain roles due to your social class, who your parents were, what others have falsely said about you, your race, your religion, and more. This is true and it’s not something that’s meant to make you happy. Additionally, other people may have put you in one negative role or another because it makes them feel better about themselves. This is just the way it is.
You need to be aware that others may have messed with you, and this is likely affecting your life right now.
What do you do in this situation? In most cases, what I personally have done is just continued on with my life and learned to shut out people’s negative opinions of me. I continue in the face of adversity and I don’t let it bother me. When you prove people wrong who want to have low expectations of you, their response usually is that they don’t want to have much to do with you anymore. Who cares? You cannot afford to surround yourself with people who want, for whatever reason, to set limits on what you can achieve.
About a year ago, we started making various videos for some of our job websites. One of the most popular videos we made was a “keyword video.” Essentially, these videos are short, 3-4 minute videos that announce that one of our various websites contains a certain type of job. For example, one job might be “a corporate attorney job in Sacramento.” A broadcaster would get up and talk about how one of our websites contained this sort of job and the video would be complete. They would then do some editing to the video and that’s it. For months and months, I assumed that no one could possibly film and edit more than 20 of these videos per day.
At first, I only had broadcasters doing these videos in Malibu. Within a few months, however, I built a small studio in Pasadena and decided to send all of the Malibu broadcasters to Pasadena and hire an entirely new group of broadcasters for Malibu. I told the new group of broadcasters I hired that they were expected to do 40 of these videos per day and that this was easily obtainable.
What happened to me was amazing. The broadcasters who believed they could do 20 videos continued doing this amount. The new broadcasters who had no contact with the broadcasters in Pasadena were told they could do 40 videos per day, and they ended up doing 40. The ones who did 40 figured out how to be more efficient with their time and do things in a more productive way. What we believe people are capable of and what we honestly think they can become have powerful effects on the way things turn out.
Second, the most important lesson is that if other’s beliefs about us can impact what happens to us, an even more important thing that will impact what happens to us is our beliefs about ourselves. Nothing at all is more important than what we believe about ourselves. In fact, our beliefs about ourselves are even more important than anything that anyone else has to say about us.
One of my wife’s relatives goes to Alcoholics Anonymous (“AA”) meetings daily, from what I understand. Growing up, I also knew someone quite well who used to go to these meetings all the time, and when I was an asphalt contractor I had an employee I used to drop off at these meetings on a nightly basis after work. I have never been to an AA meeting. However, from what I’ve witnessed from a distance, these meetings are something that many people are quite religious about. In fact, from what I understand, there are an incredible number of people out there who go to these meetings on a daily basis.
The idea behind organizations like AA is that the people are alcoholics, drug addicts, or whatever and need the support of other people. Relapse and getting back on drugs or alcohol is something they need to avoid at all costs. However, because this is in “their nature” relapses happen and people then are rehabilitated again over time by AA until another relapse happens. The idea that I have witnessed for how substance abuse is dealt with is the people who have a substance abuse problem are classified as “alcoholics” or “drug addicts” and so forth and presumably never recover.
Before commenting on this, I’ve also known several diabetics growing up and over the years who can’t eat any form of sugar. Now, I’m not an expert in diabetes by any stretch of the imagination, but I do realize there are different forms of diabetes—some people cannot eat any sugar and other people need to control their sugar. I have known diabetics who couldn’t eat any sugar, which means they had to avoid various carbohydrates and other foods which metabolize into sugar. What these people do is simply not eat any of this food at all. They stop and they are done. They don’t go to support groups to talk about how they can no longer eat sugar and then relapse. They simply stop when the doctor tells them it is prohibited and they are done. When they go out to eat, they don’t eat foods containing sugar. When they order something to drink, they do the same thing. No meetings and no relapses.
Now, I am not an expert in chemical dependency by any stretch of the imagination, but it does seem to me that there is something wrong with sending people who have a problem with alcohol or whatever to a group that tells them they are alcoholics each day as part of the treatment. Associating with and being labeled as something is only likely to reinforce the person’s belief that they are the negative thing they do not want to be. In order for someone not to be addicted to drugs or alcohol, why not try and change their identity as a person? Until the person sees themselves as someone different they are unlikely to change. This is probably why people who go to AA and all of these sorts of rehabilitation centers constantly relapse. It has everything to do with how they see themselves. Until they believe they are someone different, then they probably will never recover at all.
They need to believe they aren’t addicts and believe they are something else. Someone who detests drugs or alcohol, for example. A model of fitness. A model of sobriety.
The problem with allowing ourselves to believe negative things about ourselves, and being the subject of other people’s negative beliefs about ourselves, is that we will generally act in a manner consistent with this. A lot of how we act in the world is an effort to be consistent with how we see ourselves. We expect people to be consistent with what we believe they are. We also want to be consistent with how we see ourselves. Most of us define ourselves based on what other people tell us we are like.
You need to decide right now how you want to be. Then you need to believe you are that person and capable of being the person you really want to be. Who are you? Who do you want to be? Describe yourself as the person you want to be and then start acting like that person. The biggest challenge for you to succeed in your career and life is not knowing who you really are. You need to be the person you want to be and you need to think big. You need to surround yourself with people who also share that vision for you and who you are. Start behaving and being like the person you want to be right now. Your life is defined by your beliefs and the perception of who you are.
You need to decide:
What you’re going to feel and what you are going to become in the future isn’t based on what’s happened to you in the past and what others have said about you, but on your interpretation of that information. You need to interpret your life going forward in a positive way that empowers you—and not the other way around.
THE LESSON
You will come across both people who believe in you and those who do not in your life. It’s vital that you surround yourself with those who believe in you and what you can achieve. The beliefs of others dictate what ends up happening to you, so it’s equally important to avoid those who don’t believe in you. Define yourself in terms of the person you want to be, and start acting like that person.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Getting Ahead, Goal Setting, Life Lessons, Staying Positive
Tagged: corporate attorney job, high school, jobs websites, public school, pygmalion, pygmalion effect, setting incredible expectations, your career and life
Job Market
recent posts
Do not be distracted by your insecurities and doubts, or you will never achieve success because you will not allow it to happen. Focus only on the message about your skills and capabilities. Identify your goals and create a gameplan, and fill your mind with positive and hopeful messages that will drive you towards said goal.
In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
In this article Harrison discusses how people who stand for something always do better than those who do not. Companies who stand for something always do better than companies who do not. The most successful companies not only stand for something, but they are completely consistent with their core principles. This is what keeps them going and this is what makes them successful. One of the largest problems that people have in their careers is when they diverge from what they are good at. When you do not stand for something, you divert from your true strength. Everything begins to crumble and slowly fall apart when you are not doing something that you are really good at. The biggest success comes when you stand for something and are good at it.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
When myriad candidates are applying to limited positions, practicing unusual tactics in your job hunt will prove far more helpful than following the established routine and waiting for positions to come to you. Much like in military strategy, well-planned and unconventional moves can help you conquer your goals without suffering significant losses. You can land an excellent position by focusing on companies’ needs, rather than depending on job and recruiting advertisements.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
You need to provide people what they want, otherwise you will not have a job. Although they might not always be the most desirable kinds of jobs, certain jobs always exist because they provide services that people will always require. The only secret to continual employment is to provide a service that people always need; if you do this, and nothing else, you will always find yourself employed. Give people what they want.
Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
The ability to fit into your work environment is among the most important parts of obtaining and retaining a job, even more so than your skill level. Fitting in means nothing more than being comfortable in one’s work environment, and making others similarly comfortable. Employers want to hire people who will embrace their approach to business and the world on physical and moral levels, so you must strive to fit in with their worldview.
Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
Related Posts:
Harrison Barnes:
Getting Ahead:
The Role of Jobs in Today's World:
Career Advice:
© 2025 Harrisonbarnes All Rights Reserved
Hey Harrison,
Just wanted to let you know that I rented the movie my fair lady and really enjoyed it! It is hilarious, and I wonder how I missed it in the first place.
As a teacher, I can relate with the Pygmalion effect. The students look up to their teacher for inspiration and motivation, and by feeding them the right words, we make their lives.
Very good article, thanks.
Walter A. Coles
Slowly, slowly I am internalizing what you are saying. I’ve been beat down a lot to the point that all I am currently doing is babysitting my grandchildren. While I know that is an important job, it is doing nothing toward reducing my debt and nothing toward my retirement. I have to somehow get back out there.
Thanks for helping.
“When I was in High School, I was always exceptional at English related classes and then did not do as good in classes that involved math.” I have to say, I find this hard to believe.
Nancy,
Thanks for your comment.
–Harrison
Do you know of any case studies or research to prove your point? I don’t disgree but do you have any evidence?
Im usually positive minded but what ive just read is more than encouraging, thanx alot you guys are doing a good thing encouraging people, kudos to you all.
Since I was younger (around 16 years old), I thought and began to write that: “In this life there are two sides: good and bad, just like people. Some are good, while others are the opposite. Some love you and others do not.” I saw sometimes the reality of my thoughts during my childhood until I was older. Your article and your advice justifies all I thought and continue thinking now. But my aim is the same: I will avoid those that think bad thoughts about me or get bad thoughts about my work and instead will focus myself on my goals. I always want to avoid error and stupidity and follow others who believe in me and want me to succeed. Even if it’s not easy to do it, all I need is to be conscious of my goals, capacity, opportunity, skills, duty, career, job and life. I realize that things aren’t just handed to me in this life. Instead I must earn these myself with my own hard work and efforts. I need to listen to those who have experience, skills, love me and like what I do. It’s not mean that I don’t surround myself with people who can destroy me and my life or hold me back. I don’t want to waste my time with perople who are not ambitious or have negative thoughts about me or my job. I’m able to do many things and to achieve many things I want to achieve. May The Lord give us health, long life, a conscience, skills, experience, endurance, intellectual and physical capacities, and ethics to do well every day! Amen! I never mind going ahead to succeed. I don’t fear to fail, but failure according to me mustn’t be repetitive, especially the same failure. Failure can teach me something new and can allow me to avoid errors that I have made before. I’m who I want to be and not who others want me to be. I will continue on this path because I know that I’m heading in the right direction. Several years ago, on one occasion when I was ill my father told me about life and said:
“Notice this: “A friend in need is not a friend indeed”
When you were ill where were your friends who came each day at home? Where are they now? Despite their greetings they are not best friends you have. Try now to distinguish the true friend from the false. In short, this was what he said.
After his words I made a deep reflection and found that it was true and I had to know how to organize my life and how to live with some good people and others that were wrong…I wanted to share with you what today’s lesson brought to me personally.
I really like your stuff but what you say here about AA is based in ignorance and is an incredibly dangerous message to put out there – you are not an expert in chemical dependancy as you say, it is irresponsible for you to hold forth on the topic. This is not career advice, for many it is a matter of life and death.
Dear Sir,
This is a wonderful article, written with elan and intellect. Thank you for sharing it.
Marshall Searcy
“Contempt prior to investigation” is human, but rarely wise, Perhaps going to a few AA meetings would provide some more information and less speculation for your next post.