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One thing you often find is that there seem to be a great number of people out in the world whose chosen business is to make your life and circumstances, whatever they may be, seem much worse than they are. In fact, in your day-to-day life, you are probably already continually surrounded by various people whose personal interests lie in making you feel bad about yourself and the world in general. Your success and ability to get on will in large part be determined by your ability to sift through all of this negative information coming at you.
A few years ago I bought a house, and the real estate agent who had represented the seller contacted me within a few weeks of the move. I travel a lot for business and would not be occupying the house full time.
“You should be renting it out,” the agent told me. This got me thinking and what the agent suggested sounded like a good deal. She went on:
“We could rent it for two and a half times your monthly mortgage. We also could probably even sell it right away for 25% more money than you paid!” she remarked.
The agent was well dressed and very polished, and she really seemed to know what she was talking about. I got very excited about her ideas and quickly started to feel like I was an incredibly gifted buyer of real estate who had managed to secure an amazing deal.
“There’s one thing,” the real estate agent said. “In order to market the property successfully as a rental property at this price, you are going to need to make it more ‘hip’ and desirable. If you can do this, you will do very, very well.”
Within a few days, the real estate agent came over to my house with a designer, who took one look around the place and decreed that the entire house and all its furniture were dreadful and in urgent need of a makeover. Much of the furniture in the house had been handed down to me by my family and was actually very nice. For example, I inherited some items from a very wealthy family member, who used to be a United States Senator. In addition, the last house I had purchased had been completely vacated by a family of Australians, who moved back to Australia and did not take their furniture with them. I was amazed that the combined value of all the furnishings was upwards of $1 million–and they simply left it all behind. I personally have never spent more than $1,000 on a piece of furniture.
I had moved all this “free furniture” into the new house, which the designer was now considering redecorating. Furniture like this was declared “tacky” and “dated,” and the designer suggested all sorts of replacement items, such as painted particleboard knock-offs of designer furniture, which she could import from China.
The designer insisted that everything needed to be changed. The real estate agent continued to emphasize that the house would never rent or sell for the outrageous prices she was proposing unless I immediately got to work with her designer. She also told me that she would refuse to show the house to anyone unless I went through with commissioning an incredible amount of work to have everything “updated” as quickly as possible. The designer proceeded to throw around some outrageous price quotes, and I was completely perplexed. After all, I had furnished the house with all kinds of beautiful items, which someone had previously purchased for more than $1 million.
“Throw it all out!” the designer declared.
I began to feel bad about the furniture we had in our house. I started to believe we were in serious need of a design upgrade. For weeks I looked at things like our hand-carved $20,000+ chairs, which were adorning various rooms, and I began to feel like we really should replace them all with cheap Chinese furniture.
Since it was not in my budget to redesign the house, I decided the best thing to do would be to sell an old collector’s Mercedes that had been sitting in our garage for several years. I would be sad to part with the Benz, but I figured it was the best thing to do if I were going to redecorate the house. I put the old car on a few websites and began taking calls for it. One day, I got a call from a very professional-sounding man who was well versed in collector automobiles. He came over to take a look at the car.
When he walked inside the house, the man immediately started talking about how beautiful the furniture was. He wanted to walk around and just look at everything. He did things like stop and stare at a table for a minute or two and then caress it gently with his hand, then crawl under it and examine the bottom of it.
“A lot of this stuff should be in a museum!” he declared. I was very happy that someone appreciated the furniture because I felt that I had done very well having acquired it all for free. After looking at the car and telling me he would “think about it” he handed me his card. I saw that he was an interior designer.
“I’m actually selling this car so I can get some new furniture,” I told him.
“Are you kidding?” he said. “You do not need any new furniture. This place is absolutely magnificent. I ought to send you the background information on some of your pieces. Much of it is original and I am sure worth much more than was paid for it. Someone had to find craftsmen all over the world to make many of those items. You cannot just find pieces like that at the store.”
This made me feel pretty good, and after the man had left I got on a computer and checked out his website. To my astonishment, the man had been the personal decorator of Princess Diana and had designed numerous high-profile celebrity homes, a palace for an Egyptian princess, and so forth. Much to my surprise, a lot of the furniture displayed in his designer’s portfolio looked almost exactly like the furniture that was in my house.
I have thought about this episode so many times throughout the past few years. I had been manipulated to such a massive degree by the real estate agent and her designer that I had almost sold my car–to pay for a completely unnecessary overhaul of the interior of the house.
Why did this happen? The decorator had had an interest in making me think there was something wrong with the interior: If there were nothing at all wrong with the interior of the house, then there would have been no reason for me to hire her. The real estate agent would likely have been expecting a cut from the transaction, in which case she too would have had a vested interest. So, essentially, the objective had been to make me insecure about the house, and then–reap the profits.
How many times have people made you insecure about something so they could profit from you in some way? There are so many people out there who will try to sell you on the idea that they can benefit you in some way–after they subtly put you down. Insecurity is the primary currency of their game, and they thrive on creating it for you.
Let’s take an unscrupulous lawyer as an example. If people did not get themselves into trouble and have serious problems to solve, lawyers would essentially be out of a job. Therefore an unscrupulous lawyer may convince a client that he or she is at much greater risk than reality dictates, in order to create more billable hours.
A couple of years ago, I had an employee whose wife was a chiropractor. One day, I went over to her house and she hit me a few times with a small hammer. She told me that it was important that I come back–and often–for treatments, because I was an as-of-yet-undiagnosed diabetic who was on the verge of potentially dying from my affliction. This concerned me a great deal, so I eventually went to a medical doctor and got the proper tests done. Lo and behold, I found out that not only am I not dying from diabetes, but I actually have excellent blood sugar and overall health.
My wife had started visiting the chiropractor at the same time that I had. Within a few months, the chiropractor had her visiting at least twice a week, and had prescribed her all sorts of expensive herbs and various tonics. Of course, after my visit with the medical doctor, I made sure my wife understood that nothing whatsoever was wrong with her, by making her consult with a medical doctor. Needless to say, my wife is–and always was–perfectly fine. Had I not intervened, we would have been going to the chiropractor forever.
I had a similar experience when I was in law school. A veterinarian took a look at my Labrador retriever and told me that the dog needed a hip transplant for several thousand dollars. I got a couple of other opinions and found out that the dog had perfectly healthy hips. The dog lived a long, healthy life and never had any health problems until he died of old age.
It is important to understand that all around you there are people and forces that want you to feel weak, vulnerable, and inadequate. The best thing you can do to control and fight back against these forces is to sniff out and identify these people for what they are–and then avoid them.
Similarly, anytime someone attempts to rise above their peers and become better than others, they are likely to face people who have a vested interest in keeping them down. People will continually strive to keep the person at a certain level, for fear of being left alone, or of feeling bad about their own lack of progress.
My wife and I have been in Las Vegas all week. Yesterday, she related to me that she saw two men walking down the street who looked to be in their 20s and each had only one tooth. She stated that they appeared to be hobbling down the street, their faces looked pockmarked, and they appeared to be strung out on drugs. Their clothes were dirty and their faces looked terrified. They were gasping as they walked. It was like something out of a horror movie. This is not an uncommon sight on Las Vegas Boulevard. The two people were almost certainly crystal meth addicts, also known as tweakers.
“I wonder how these two people found each other!” my wife exclaimed.
They found each other because they are both alike and share an interest in drugs. However, a more interesting question to me is what would happen if one of them suddenly decided to stop using drugs and get better. What do you think would happen?
I know exactly what would happen. The user would try to discourage the person who was trying to get sober. The addict would not want his buddy to get better, for fear of losing a friend. It is possible that this might not occur, but in most cases it would.
For the most part, there are people in our lives who want us to do well no matter what. Then there are those who may not necessarily want us to improve–our neighbors, friends, coworkers, and others. However directly or subtly, they will try and tell us that we are incapable of the change we seek or the improvement we want from our lives:
We receive these sorts of messages again and again.
Whether someone is trying to get you to buy something or is afraid of you improving because it will illuminate his or her own inadequacies, it is important that you are aware that others around you may be trying to keep you down, make you insecure, or control how you feel about your life. Do not allow others to control or influence you negatively, and be aware of this kind of behavior. If you allow others to influence how you think or feel, you will be in service of them and not in service of yourself.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Life Lessons
Tagged: career advice, career advice | a harrison barnes, how to find a job, job market, job search, job seeker, legal recruiter, negative information, new job opportunities, personal interests, potential employer, real estate agent, unscrupulous lawyer
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Do not be distracted by your insecurities and doubts, or you will never achieve success because you will not allow it to happen. Focus only on the message about your skills and capabilities. Identify your goals and create a gameplan, and fill your mind with positive and hopeful messages that will drive you towards said goal.
In this article Harrison explains how you can ensure success in your career by externalizing your opponents. Your job is like a game; if you work hard, play by the rules of the company and are seen as part of the team you will be viewed as a valuable player for the company. The most significant part of any game is the presence of an opponent. Don’t look for an opponent among your co-workers. Never speak negatively of your team members. Instead, concentrate on the external opponents. External opponents bring you and the team closer as you work towards a common goal. In order for you and your company to succeed it is important to have an external opponent. Harrison advises people to consistently work hard and not participate in the politics. This is a sure way to score big in your career.
In this article Harrison discusses how people who stand for something always do better than those who do not. Companies who stand for something always do better than companies who do not. The most successful companies not only stand for something, but they are completely consistent with their core principles. This is what keeps them going and this is what makes them successful. One of the largest problems that people have in their careers is when they diverge from what they are good at. When you do not stand for something, you divert from your true strength. Everything begins to crumble and slowly fall apart when you are not doing something that you are really good at. The biggest success comes when you stand for something and are good at it.
Companies necessarily seek to employ positive, forward-minded people. A firm’s success depends on their employees, and they seek people who will enhance them rather than merely contribute to the bottom line. People with positive natures, who contribute to a healthy social environment, prove essential to the growth and success of their employers.
In this article Harrison discusses that the meaning you give to things will control the quality of your life. How we feel about ourselves is all due to what we tell ourselves certain things will mean. The meaning you give things is crucial for your career success. You need to choose meanings that make you stronger. You need to ensure you interpret things in a way that serves you and does not hurt you. You need to reach your full potential. Don’t classify yourself as someone who is not fit to succeed at the level at which you’re capable. You need to take charge of your mind to have the career and the life that you deserve.
In this article Harrison discusses the importance of ‘energy’ over technical skills. When people are hiring you they are purchasing your “energy” more than they are purchasing your technical skills. They are interested in your ability to influence the world around you through your energy. When you are marketing yourself and seeking a job, or working in a job, there are essentially two things you are marketing. You are marketing your technical skills, but more importantly you are marketing an intangible sort of energy. The most successful people have mastered the art of projecting positive energy. The better your energy, the more employable you will be and the farther you will go.
You can never become too comfortable if you wish to be successful. Your success will largely depend on your ability to become dissatisfied with your current position. Successful people are never satisfied with the status quo, and constantly push beyond their comfort zone. When do you this and succeed, you set a new standard for normality in your life. Be continually dissatisfied, and always pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone.
Resourcefulness can make you better at everything you do, and separates the truly extraordinary people from the general herd. Do everything within your power to be resourceful in your job search, life, and career to give yourself the best possible chance of achieving your goals, and learn how to employ the resources currently at your disposal for maximum impact.
The most successful people in the world share the common characteristic of sharing, or concentrating on the value that they give back to others rather than on their own growth and profit. Focusing on yourself never leads to long-term success, but leads instead to unhappiness as well as emotional and financial challenges. Your greatest consideration, therefore, should be how you can contribute to others, and how your actions can impact their lives.
The best way to attain your goal is through small, incremental steps on which you can build. Establish a routine, and make sure you are consistently working towards some kind of goal. Start small, and always build upon what you have done before. Most people fail to achieve their goals because they believe everything should happen quickly and at the same time, instead of progressively building upon their past achievements.
Make sure that you are involved in groups that focus on positive things. Your success in life depends on your ability to focus on the outcomes you want, and the focus of the groups with which you associate will in turn shape your own focus. You must endeavor to always choose groups with a positive focus.
Everything you do is a form of preparation for your job interviews, as you are always under some form of scrutiny. The best employees can always spot other good employees, and you cannot “fake it”; merely doing a good job in your work is a form of interview preparation. Always put your all into your work, therefore, even if you do not have long-term plans to remain at your current employment. Switch jobs as infrequently as possible. The time to prepare for a job search is before you even realize that you need to do so.
Your greatest successes will come from some of the smallest actions in terms of meeting people. You will cause a “stacking effect” the more you meet and connect with people; conversely, people cannot connect with you when you are withdrawn and nothing will happen. You must do everything in your power to connect with as many people as possible.
When myriad candidates are applying to limited positions, practicing unusual tactics in your job hunt will prove far more helpful than following the established routine and waiting for positions to come to you. Much like in military strategy, well-planned and unconventional moves can help you conquer your goals without suffering significant losses. You can land an excellent position by focusing on companies’ needs, rather than depending on job and recruiting advertisements.
You can change your life forever by harnessing the power of persistence. Think about the people in your life, and whether they empower you or hinder you in achieving your goals. You must win at all costs, and persist until you succeed.
You need to provide people what they want, otherwise you will not have a job. Although they might not always be the most desirable kinds of jobs, certain jobs always exist because they provide services that people will always require. The only secret to continual employment is to provide a service that people always need; if you do this, and nothing else, you will always find yourself employed. Give people what they want.
Your ability to help people will determine the extent of your success; the more powerful and effective your help, the greater rewards you will receive. One of the rarest and most profound achievements is to follow through on your goals and create a paradigm-shifting idea. The more revolutionary your work, the more people you will affect and the more memorable of a career you will have.
You will greatly benefit your career by helping and promoting your company’s expansion. A common belief is that expansion is fundamentally positive, and a lack of expansion is fundamentally negative. You must be on the side of expansion rather than contraction in every area of your life. All employers seek people who will help them expand, and the more your ability to contribute to this expansion will provide you increased job security and a greater likelihood of being hired.
The ability to fit into your work environment is among the most important parts of obtaining and retaining a job, even more so than your skill level. Fitting in means nothing more than being comfortable in one’s work environment, and making others similarly comfortable. Employers want to hire people who will embrace their approach to business and the world on physical and moral levels, so you must strive to fit in with their worldview.
Focus on what you are doing, not what others around you are doing. There are people to take action towards their goals, and then there people who sit on the sidelines and comment on the first group of people. People who are mostly interested in gossip and watching others usually lack the confidence and determination to take action themselves. The most successful people go account and accomplish things rather than sit back and watch others make things happen.
In this article, Harrison advises you to live the lives you wish to have, do the jobs you want to do, and basically live your dreams to your best possible ability. Life is fleeting and no one knows what tomorrow holds. So Harrison puts forward certain questions – when are you going to start living the life you want and when are you going to take charge of your life. The time to have the career you want is right now, not tomorrow, and not later. You need to take charge of your career and life and no one else is going to do it for you. Your entire life and the quality of it is a product of your decisions. You can have, do, or be anything you want. Do not create alibis for making comprises in life. What separates the best and the happiest people is the ability to stop to making excuses and Harrison wants you to be this person.
Anyone can be up when things are going well, but the real challenge comes when things are not. Do not look at problems, which are inevitable for any person or business, in a negative light; think of them instead as challenges, lessons, or opportunities. There is a silver lining to be found in every problem, and finding that silver lining will enable you to grow.
Understanding what you do for a living is very important for your career. You should understand the generality of your specific profession. You and your career are a product. You need to know where and how to market yourself in the best way possible. You need to be relevant and understand the skills you are offering. Being a relevant product is essential for your success. It’s easy to be relevant when you understand what you are doing and what purpose you serve. Being relevant is more than just getting a job. Being relevant also relates to serving the employers with the skills they need. You need to understand your market and what your customers want. This is the way to stay employed, and it is also the means to continual improvement.
Things will not always go the way that you want them to go, so you must not be discouraged by adversity in your job hunt. When you persist and consistently put forth your best effort, things are much more likely to go in your favor. Also, you must resist others’ efforts to undermine your efforts and potential; focus instead on doing everything in your power to fight on and complete the task at hand.
Having a goal or vision will propel you towards greater career success and happiness. Without a purpose, you will find yourself depressed and ultimately fail to achieve your goals. Do not subscribe to the unrealistic problem that you should never have problems, but instead regard problems as part of your overall growth strategy.
Don’t ever give up, and make the most of the tools at your disposal. Take chances and invest in your best skills, and persist in the face of unfortunate events. Have faith in your considerable work and capabilities, and use them to create value for others.
In this article Harrison discusses what a good hiring manager should look for. Many people who make hiring decisions really do not know what they are doing. In fact, they often make mistakes when hiring. They put too much emphasis on skills and experience. But the single most important aspect of hiring is evaluating the person’s unique outlook on the world. If the person does not have a positive outlook on the world, he/she will bring down the morale of the other workers. The person will harm the company through the negative outlook. The key to success is having the power to stick it out in jobs and finding happiness wherever you are. Hiring people who do good work and are always able to find happiness should be the number one objective of hiring managers.
To reach the goals to which you aspire, you must compare yourself with people superior to you for motivation. Most people prefer to look at life the way they wish it to be, rather than as it truly is. Move out of your comfort zones and face reality. Don’t seek out or compare yourself with the average people around you, as doing so will only mire you in mediocrity rather than push you forward.
You can better market yourself by taking a stand against something. Peoples’ personal beliefs, including the things with which they do not agree, define who they are as people. Standing against something differentiates you from the crowd; when done in the correct manner, without disrespecting others’ opinions, such a stance can help you land your dream job.
Maintaining a routine in both life and work is important to success. Not only do you need to establish a routine, you must make that routine demanding and push yourself to the limit. Budget a certain amount of time each week for networking, applying to jobs, brushing up your interview skills, and following up with employers. Such consistent effort on a daily basis will make a huge difference to your career success.
A recommendation from a powerful person can make a huge difference in your job search; a reference from an influential person makes a tremendous difference to a prospective employer, and thus can be a major advantage for you. When an important person whom the company trusts recommends you, you instantly qualify for positions that may previously have been unattainable. Make the absolute most of your connections with the powerful people in your life, because doing so can instantaneously change your career and life.
You must plant seeds in the minds of others, so that they will be more likely than otherwise to think of you when a future need arises. In planting seeds, you are making people aware of what you have to offer; you must make sure that you are ever present in the minds of your potential employers. Planting seeds is the most effective way to generate top-of-mind awareness, and ensure that the right people remember you at the appropriate time.
Recent immigrants exemplify the benefits of willpower, passion, and excitement in the way that they work so much harder for their goals than the people who have been here for most or all of their lives. Like most Americans, you need to rekindle the spirit of your immigrant ancestors and become hungry for what you want. The entrepreneurial spirit that brought people to America has often faded over time; adopt the fire and work ethic of new immigrants in order to achieve your goals.
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Your stories have been of great comfort and help to me during a very difficult time in my professional life. Thank you for your wisdom and common sense advice.
The article is of great intrinsic value. Whatever is written here, pertains to a large number of persons and those can certainly benefit from the advice of the writer. Great post!