Featured
View Count: 4227
Recently, I heard Tony Robbins state in a lecture that his mother had divorced four different men during the course of his childhood. After some time, his mother would divorce each man, claiming he wasn’t successful enough.
Imagine what sort of message this must have sent to Mr. Robbins as a young child. Much of our response to life is shaped by what we see happening around us, especially in those formative years. Based on what happens around us, we learn to interpret what’s required of us in order to be loved. We form beliefs about what will bring us pain and pleasure. We all want to be loved and to be valued, perceived as important by others. Out of this yearning, we do our best to behave so we will be accepted by the world.
Seeing his mother leave so many men due to their lack of success gave this person an incredible charge. He vowed to be the most successful person imaginable, and he made this goal a priority–more so than you can imagine. Studying success became a driving passion and this man did everything within his power to learn what it would take to become successful.
By the time he was 19 years old, Tony Robbins was traveling around the country, lecturing and giving seminars on how to be successful.
When he was in his mid-20s and lecturing virtually every day of the year about success, he wrote a bestselling book about how to be successful.
Before he was 30 years old, he was lecturing the leaders of different countries, CEOs of important corporations, celebrities, and others about how to be successful.
He became a coach to the most successful people of our time such as Bill Clinton and others. The story of Tony Robbins is inspiring because it shows how people’s reactions to situations can have an enormous impact on their direction in life.
I remember when I was in boarding school, a kid whose dad had gone to an elite Ivy League school. The kid enrolled in the boarding school at the same time I did. After his first semester, receiving some mediocre grades, the young man realized there was little chance he would ever get into an Ivy League university, what with one mere semester’s worth of bad grades. He was incredibly disappointed. At the moment he saw his marks, his destiny was taking shape. He had the option of trying harder in school and improving his grades, or the option of dropping out of the competition. The young man chose this latter option. Instead of trying, he started smoking pot, drinking, and goofing off. Within four or five months the young man was kicked out of boarding school. It took him six years to graduate from a public high school. A large part of his destiny was shaped by how he chose to react to his situation when he received a less than impressive report card.
I knew another guy when I was in college, who had been first in his high school class and had grown up in a small Midwestern town. He wanted to be a doctor. When he arrived at the University of Chicago he took the hardest chemistry class he could in his very first semester. After all, he was extremely intelligent and motivated. After a few weeks, he realized he couldn’t keep up with or really even understand what was going on in the class. He flunked altogether. From that point, he believed his hopes of being a doctor had been crushed. This person started partying every night, and eventually, he barely managed to graduate from college.
Our destinies are shaped by our responses to the situations we face day-to-day. Every single one of us is continually facing challenges in our lives. Some of these challenges are incredibly serious and others are minor and quite trivial. However, what is certain is that the results we achieve in our lives are directly affected by our responses in each situation. We can choose to respond in either a positive or a negative way. We can choose to be empowered by what happens to us–or destroyed by it.
You are always going to have problems. The myriad issues you face throughout your life aren’t going to magically disappear one day. Your strength comes from an ability to respond to these problems in an empowering way that can push you forward, rather than hold you back. Some of the issues you may face:
In fact, the number of negative things that could potentially happen to you is almost limitless. The world is constantly throwing you one challenge after another. Many times you simply can’t control what happens to you. What you can control, however, is your response to what happens. No one other than yourself can choose for you how to respond to your own situation.
One of the things that many people say after losing a job, or being in an industry that is undergoing incredible transformation, is that it’s very difficult to be happy when things are so uncertain. Many people, for example, believe their success and happiness is a direct result of their financial security, or lack thereof. We define happiness based on things that are occur outside of ourselves.
When you speak to people, however, and ask about the best moments in their lives, the response is almost always about moments like the birth of a child, a marriage, meeting someone special, spending time with loved ones, or taking a walk with someone close to them. These valued moments and happy memories don’t cost money, and are completely irrespective of one’s financial situation. As goes the old adage: The best things in life are truly free.
Some people choose to respond very powerfully to situations by becoming better and better, and expecting more from their lives.
Others choose to respond with incredible sadness and frustration, and they resign.
There are two worlds out there—the external and the internal world. The external world involves things like the health of the economy, the health of our company, accidents, and other twists of fate and circumstance that occur. We have some–but certainly nowhere near total–control over what happens in the external world.
However, we do have control over the internal world. The internal world is comprised of our own emotions, how we think and feel about those events that occur in the external world. It’s important we do everything within our power to control our internal worlds. We should guard our internal world and take care to use it for ourselves, and not against ourselves. This internal world is what matters most.
About Harrison Barnes
Harrison Barnes is the Founder of BCG Attorney Search and a successful legal recruiter himself. Harrison is extremely committed to and passionate about the profession of legal placement. His firm BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys. BCG Attorney Search works with attorneys to dramatically improve their careers by leaving no stone unturned in a search and bringing out the very best in them. Harrison has placed the leaders of the nation’s top law firms, and countless associates who have gone on to lead the nation’s top law firms. There are very few firms Harrison has not made placements with. Harrison’s writings about attorney careers and placements attract millions of reads each year. He coaches and consults with law firms about how to dramatically improve their recruiting and retention efforts. His company LawCrossing has been ranked on the Inc. 500 twice. For more information, please visit Harrison Barnes’ bio.
About BCG Attorney Search
BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive that gets results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities that its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.
Filed Under : Featured, Life Lessons
Tagged: comprised of emotions, internal world, positive strength, the external world
Job Market
recent posts
It is extremely important that you enjoy your job. Most people find themselves in jobs that they resent, and eventually make this resentment known by appearing disinterested and distracted. Success comes from being engaged in and grateful for your work. You can define your job according to your own vision; you can either choose to engage with your work, or avoid and despise what you do. People recognize and appreciate those who are enthusiastic about their work.
Your résumé is an extremely important document. There are entire books written about how to craft them. I have written at least one myself. There are scores of résumé consultants, companies, and others that will work on your résumé for a fee. Hiring one of these services can be useful and can improve your résumé. Nevertheless, most résumés can improve dramatically by following the below advice.
In this article Harrison explains how you can do better in your career by selling. The most successful people are absolute masters at sales. Selling is among the most important career skills you can have. When you know how to sell something you can do exceptionally well wherever you go. Knowing how to sell something is a key to survival, advancement, fame, and fortune. Everything we do is about making a sale. Selling yourself is about showing others the value you can bring them. So package yourself to the best of your ability, always be at your best and sell yourself. Develop your sales skills and do not be afraid to sell anything. Whatever your goal in life, becoming an effective salesman will help you achieve it.
It is absolutely vital to be in control of your life and career. When you fail to control your life, someone else will step in to do so and fit your life into their plans. Understand that it is in others’ interests to establish control over your life and work, and instead exert control yourself over your life and the events around you.
Do not be a dabbler, or someone who turns away in the face of stress; the secret to long-term happiness is to instead confront and push through these stress factors. Do not be discouraged by difficulties, but find ways to persist and deal with the stress. Confronting problems head-on is the key to improvement, and will take you much further than the dabblers who fail to approach their careers with commitment.
In this article Harrison discusses how persistent pursuit of something you believe in, against all obstacles, is one of the most important keys to success. So many of us just decide at some point not to push through and not to keep going even when a little bit of extra effort would push us through. The secret to being incredibly good at everything is pushing through and getting better and better when others around you are quitting. Even while hiring, employers want experts and people who are the best at what they are doing–they do not want dabblers. They want to hire the person who is incredibly committed to a job and has persisted against odds in one direction when others have given up.
In this article Harrison suggests that you actually may be safer getting a job without the help of family or friends. It is exceedingly rare that a friend or family member will ever be able to get you a position. They may not even want to help you get a job for various reasons. Their involvement in your job search may actually hurt you. The organization may actually look upon you negatively if you try to use a friend or family member to get a job. So going through a close contact is often counterproductive to your job search. Even if you get a position through a friend or family member, you could harm your relationship with that person in the process. Your friend or family member’s act of kindness may ultimately unbalance your relationship. The risks involved in this kind of job far outweigh the potential rewards.
A powerful sense of self will make all the difference in your life. You must understand that your sense of yourself and your capabilities come from inside of you, not from the external forces that have brought you to your current place in life. What you feel internally might be completely different from what the world is telling you, and you must learn to focus on the former rather than the latter.
In this article, Harrison explains the importance of making an effort in your job which is way above what is expected of you. When you have been given certain responsibilities, it means that someone is dependent on you for certain things. When you fulfill these duties far more efficiently, put in a lot more time and effort, and even stay back on weekends and holidays to complete or do extra work, your employers get the message that you are sharing their burden of pressures with them and begin to place tremendous trust in you. This is what paves the path to your promotion and growth in the company. Harrison believes that you need to develop the correct attitude and possess an extraordinary work ethic to thrive in the job you do.
In this article Harrison discusses how resisting change and not taking necessary and relevant action can be the biggest obstacles to a better career and better life. Resistance is something that prevents most people from ever changing. Resisting change can be highly damaging to your growth in your career and life. Instead of allowing your life to be controlled by external circumstances, choose to take action and bring about a change. Conduct a brutal self analysis if needed, to clear the blocks you have in your mind and to bring about change that is necessary. Most people give up. They do not persist. You need strategies and beliefs that will allow you to persist and persevere, so that you can change. The best strategy is to be focused, and this focus will help you overcome the resistance you face whenever you make an effort to begin changing.
Adopting a positive attitude will always bring you closer to success, as nobody wants to be associated with a losing side. Everyone wants to associate with and hire winners, and avoids losers. Nothing is more important than maintaining a positive attitude, as many employers hire people based primarily on attitude; with the right attitude, everything else will fall into place. You must look like you are on the winning team, even if times are tough; nobody wants to hire a loser.
The past does not dictate the future, so you should not use inductive reasoning to make conclusions about your life or career. Recognize when you are making incorrect conclusions based on past events, and switch to deductive reasoning in which you are not limited by the past. You will find your conclusions to be much more accurate, and you will succeed as a result.
When I was an attorney, I stopped going out to lunch with other attorneys during the day. The reason was not that I was not hungry. Instead, I stopped going out to lunch because just about everyone I worked with would want to dedicate the lunch to a critique—whether it was critiquing our bosses, coworkers, or others. When these people were not being critiqued, the job itself was being critiqued. When the job was not being critiqued, the attorney’s home life was being critiqued.
In this article Harrison discusses the significance of conditioning yourself to develop behaviors that will elevate you in your life. One of the most difficult things for anyone to do is to get leverage over themselves and condition themselves to go in a new direction. Very few people are ever able to make very fundamental transformations in their lives and become someone completely new and completely improved—and stick with it. Major improvements in our lives come only when we condition ourselves over and over again in one direction. You need to get leverage over yourself and condition new habits and behaviors within yourself to make any sort of fundamental and lasting change. The conditioning needs to be part of your lifestyle. You need to condition yourself to adopt new patterns in your life.
Going after companies on an “explosive growth” trend is among the most interesting and beneficial things you can do in your job search, as many such companies will hire you even if they do not have openings. Similarly, you can get hired in booming industries and geographical areas even if there are no openings, simply by showing up. Apply to growing companies, even if they do not have open positions.
Two fundamental laws of the universe are that order leads to disorder, and disorder leads to order. Since disorder always leads to order, you must always view disorder as a positive rather than a negative; disorder in your life is an opportunity to reorganize your life and career into something better. Making both order and disorder work for you will enhance your chances of success in career and life.
Think about your ultimate purpose in life, and what you are currently doing to accomplish it. Everyone is gifted with unique talents, and a failure to identify and utilize yours would be tragic for your life and career. The greater purpose you identify in your life, the greater the obstacles you will face. If you persevere and push through these hurdles, you will find the rewards to also be correspondingly greater.
Your perceptions of the world determine your reactions, and your reactions in turn determine your destiny. External factors do not dictate your life and destiny so much as your response to them, which is usually dictates by your emotional state. You must challenge yourself to make the best use of disorder in your life, and use it as a basis to develop a superior kind of order.
Be the person you want to be; if you see yourself naturally going in a certain direction, then you must allow yourself to go that way. Be grateful for every little thing in your life, and you will position yourself to receive more good things. You must hold the correct mindset to achieve a successful life and career; “get your mind right”, look at the world differently, and get away from your established ways of doing things.
There are two kinds of people; value creators and value extractors. Your career success will largely depend on your skill at either of these two things. Value extractors prefer an environment where value is already being created, while value creators look for areas of maximum opportunity. While value extractors seek stable careers, value creators seek to build up organizations rather than work within them. You need to decide if you are a value creator or extractor, commit to one or the other, and never look back.
It is important to have high standards. For the most part, life will pay any price you ask of it. The people who achieve the most in the world have incredibly high standards. It is like this with businesses as well. A great piece of machinery, or a great service, is like this because of the standards that are followed.
Rely on facts and statistics rather than opinions; when you depend on mere opinions, you inevitably face disastrous consequences. You must understand the difference between facts and opinions, analyze both, and adopt the former while disregarding the latter to make productive decisions.
Your skills and abilities merit profound appreciation; you must therefore place yourself in an environment where you will be so appreciated, and not subject to the negative opinions of others. People tend to believe the negative information that they hear about themselves. A work situation where you are unappreciated will tax your two greatest assets, your self-worth and your sanity.
Salesmanship is one of the most important skills you can have in your job hunt. You can use personality as a means of standing out and selling yourself, making sure that it comes through in everything you are doing. By injecting personality into your job search, you will soon notice changes in your life and career. People with personality succeed in sales because they draw attention; employers want to hire people with personalities, and a good personality can be your best job hunting tool.
In this article Harrison explains why the ability to close a sale is the most important skill in selling. Many people may get consumers interested in their products and lead them to the edge of making the sale, but it is the final push where the customer makes the actual purchasing decision which is the most important. Similarly it is good to be able to secure an interview, but what actually counts is the ability to push the employer to make the final hiring decision. There are a million possible closing techniques ranging from using the power of money and the power of issuing a deadline to identifying with a particular cause that could be important to the employer. All you need to do is tap into your instinctual ability and push employers that extra bit to ensure you get the job.
It is very important that you always ask questions in an interview when given the opportunity. Here are some good questions to ask and why you should ask them.
People who fail to reach their career goals are too complacent, rely too much on the opinions of others, allow difficulties to progress into ruin, and associate success with negative things. You have to establish success as a firm “must” in your life, associate your success with positive things, develop a workable strategy for success, and follow through with your plans. Never be a dabbler or give up in the face of adversity.
Related Posts:
Harrison Barnes:
Getting Ahead:
The Role of Jobs in Today's World:
Career Advice:
© 2025 Harrisonbarnes All Rights Reserved
Thank you for this inspiring article, Mr. Barnes. My challenge is how to keep remembering this distinction. Sometimes, I can re-arrange my thinking quickly to get perspective. Sometimes, I’m stuck for days.
Do you have any particular ways that you “practice” to keep on track? I’ve noted that you meditate every day. Is that a key component? What else would you recommend?
Yes, the ability to stay mentally strong under the most challenging events, job loss, death of a loved one, illness and lack of financial resources is a wonderful attribute to help create positive results. Not quitting but thinking out of the box and having the mind set to to find a way to overcome the most horrendous situation can prove to be beneficial to one’s life in the short and long term.
The power of the mind has been proven to overcome illness. The individual must draw upon their most inner strength and avoid emotional weakness or sympathy for oneself and look for solutions to make each event a learning experience to gain wholeness. Some people struggle through life, while others cruise through life. No matter, when faced with problems the best approach is to identify the problem and create a solution.
Hello, Neat post. There’s an issue together with your site in web explorer, could check this? IE still is the marketplace leader and a good portion of other people will omit your fantastic writing because of this problem.
It is truly a great and helpful piece of information.
I am satisfied that you simply shared this useful information with us.
Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.
very powerful message and an interesting article. Thanks.